Thursday, March 20, 2008

Karma'n over to my place

PROPERTY! I Own Britain's Best Home, Five, 8.00pm

Now we know there are a lot of you out there who like property porn (or more specifically, property porn with a bunch of foolish 'real' people and some clever and just the right side of condescending experts.... OK, property porn that features Sarah Beeny, Kirstie'n'Phil, Ann Maurice or Kevin McCloud) and we wondered if this new little show would be up your street.

However, despite I Own Britain's Best Home being trailered like crazy on Five at the moment, we couldn't find out much about it (they are adopting the Channel 4 tactic of not updating their website until after new programmes air, and stfu if you want to find out about them before they start to decide if they are worth watching).

We think the gist is that a bunch of people get to pose their houses up before the camera and we get to presumably laugh at their sumggery. We *think* there might also be some viewer vote action along the way. Sadly, we suspect the crazy house boat people from the last series of Grand Designs won't be featuring.

PRISON! My Name is Earl, Channel 4, 10.00pm

Well, this is a turn up for the books. After series two of My Name is Earl turned up a gazillion years after series one, we are quite surprised that series three has turned up so comparatively quickly. We're not complaining. We like this show a lot, and what with the writers' strike and all, there has been a dearth of US comedy on our screens, and seeing as Channel Four don't seem that inclined to show much home-grown comedy either at the moment, this is doubly welcome.

Last time we saw Earl he took Joy's place at her theft trial, and in this opening two-parter (part two next week! What sort of nonsense is this, Channel 4!), he is in jail. We presume some how he will get out next week, no doubt through a series of karma-riffic komedy kapers.

We have heard a few rumours that this opening episode isn't quite up to the usual standards of the series. We hope that a) that isn't true, or b) if it is, that it's just a blip. Thursdays have not been all that funny since Lead Balloon and Buzzcocks ended, and we could do with something to take their place.

Labels: Channel 4, Five, I Own Britain's Best Home, My Name Is Earl, TV

By Rad :: Post link :: ::  
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Monday, March 17, 2008

Cooking up a storm

FOOD! Great British Menu, BBC Two, 6.30pm

Well, about bloody time. After all that schedule mucking about with Come Dine With Me and Masterchef, cookery finally returns to its rightful home of 6.30pm, with series three of Great British Menu. Whilst this series will never top the highlight of being a competition to prepare a feast for the Queen (and later being pwned by Her Maj on Monarchy: The Royal Family at Work), it is usually entertaining nonetheless.

FEAR! Hollyoaks, Channel 4, 6.30pm

The saga of Jake's descent continues tonight (remember when he was merely a loveable mother killer?) after Friday's suicide/child murder attempt. Is he dead, or like all bad horror movie villains, will he live to see another day? The horror movie angle Hollyoaks has adopted with this story has actually been quite effective, with several jumps and jolts along the way. What it has utterly failed to do, however, is treat mental illness or bereavement with any sympathy whatsoever. But this IS Hollyoaks so we don't know why we'd expect anything different.

Labels: BBC Two, BBC2, Channel 4, food, Great British Menu, Hollyoaks, TV

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Friday, March 14, 2008

Shameless promotion

Shameless is here for the long-haul. With an extended 16-episode series, we've still got a good few episodes to go with Series 5.

To celebrate, lowculture is offering 5 lucky winners a chance to win specially-designed Frank Gallagher t-shirts!

To enter, simply answer this question:

Which Maguire son is married?

Is it:
a. Jamie
b. Mickey
c. Shane

Click here to email your entry.

Shameless airs on Tuesdays at 10pm on Channel 4.

The prize consists of 1 large Frank Gallagher t-shirt each for 5 winners.
A winner will be chosen at random.
Competition closes at 5pm on 4th April 2008.
By submitting your entry, you accept the Terms & Conditions and Privacy.
Entrants must be over 18 years of age.
The winner will have 48 hours to respond, when a new winner will be sourced.

Labels: Channel 4, competition, Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Shameless competition

By David :: Post link :: ::  
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Sunday, March 02, 2008

Daydream believers

CHEERFUL! Hollyoaks Omnibus, Channel 4, 10.00am
CHOONFUL! Hollyoaks Special: Summer's Got a Secret, Channel 4, 2.05pm

So, Hollyoaks finally said goodbye to Summer and OB this week, and just in case you missed the episodes, we heartily commend this omnibus to you as something rather delightful. Don't believe us? Check out these user opinions:

'Today's episode was the most amazing, feel good TV ever. OB got the kind of ending that poor old Mandy deserved. It's not often a soap, especially such a shit one, makes me happy in such a simple way.' - Xenomaniac

'It was still very touching and I may have cried a bit. I also quite liked the manly hugging at the end.' - Sparkle

'Max and OB's Big Goodbye is LOVE.' - Joel

'Awww, that was proper lovely. Such a fitting sendoff for OB. Even the Birdseye Botherer managed not to be annoying'. - Steven

What we are saying is that you will regret it if you don't watch it NOW (or on channel 4+1 at 11.00, seeing as we are writing this rather late in the day). Thursday and Friday's episodes are less good (warning: Valentines! Boob theft anger! Rubbish Tranny! Silly drugz Plot! Jake and Nancy! Swimbint being self-righteous!) but they contain glimmers of the immense Barnesey/Plankton/Micksy love triangle so are not all bad.

And Channel 4 are spoiling us this afternoon with Summer's Got a Secret which follows LC fave Summer Strallen as she moves from the soap to star in The Sound of Music. Best of all, it doesn't even clash with Come Dine With Me today, as that is on later than usual (4.00pm, More4). The publicity shots even promise added Auntie Bonnie Langford! Result!


CHOC-FULL!Willie's Wonky Chocolate Factory, Channel 4, 9.00pm

Now, this is a curious one. Willie's Wonky Chocolate Factory follows entrepreneur (isn't everyone one of those these days?) Willie Harcourt-Cooze, who wants to launch his own chocolate business. Only this business isn't just any old chocolate business - he wants to own the first company since Cadbury's to grow its own chocolate as well as to manufacture and promote it.

Naturally, we are expecting thrills and spills along the way in a Trouble at the Top kind of way, and the title was too good a pun for Channel 4 to miss. We are expecting characters, challenges and all the usual stuff you get in these kind of one-off docs.

But wait a cocoa-bean-picking-minute! This isn't a one-off doc, it's a four-parter. That must mean the footage was so entertaining they couldn't contain it within just one hour. Whether it will stretch to four hours' worth of material remains to be seen, but we reckon it'll be worth giving a whirl anyway.

Labels: Channel 4, Hollyoaks, TV, Willie's Wonky Chocolate Factory

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Friday, February 15, 2008

Summer days, drifting away

FOND FAREWELLS! Hollyoaks, Channel 4, 6.30pm

Every now and then, a good actor, playing a likeable character, turns up in Hollyoaks. Sadly, they don't always hang around for long. Tonight, we see the departure of Summer Shaw, played by Summer Strallen, as she goes to star as Maria in The Sound of Music. That's the character AND the actress, you know.

We have loved every moment of Summer's brief time in Hollyoaks. Her entrance when she established herself as being far too fabulous for HCC (and boy was she right) and befriended JP (briefly) was great. She floundered slightly with all that Rubbish Tranny flirting, but she soon spectacularly turned that round with a great bout of Rubbish Tranny pwning instead. We loved her never stooping to a low when Steph got insecure and bitchy. We loved her relationship with OB, and we loved the fact that she was planted in the soap by Andrew Lloyd Webber to up her profile before taking over from Connie Fisher in the West End.

So, whilst we are really pleased that she's going on to great things, we are very sad that she will be leaving Chester and making it just that bit more rubbish. Will OB stick to his guns and go with her, though?

In other plot news, the Jake/Nancy saga will hopefully reach a climax (perhaps a poor choice of word) after last night's nastiness, and the intriguing Elliot/Swimbint relationship continues to develop. We'd love it if, instead of the soap cliche of the geek being turned into a hunk, Elliot turns Sarah into a geek. It would at least stop her wearing hotpants in the middle of winter.

Labels: Channel 4, Hollyoaks

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Thursday, February 14, 2008

Lowculture vs. Cuoco, Round 2

"REALITY"! Big Brother US, E4, 9.00pm

We can't say we felt especially upset about the lack of Celebrity Big Brother this year - even the Big Brother: Celebrity Hijack on E4 left us feeling utterly uninspired, considering that by the time the finale was being promoted, we'd forgotten it was even on. And while the USA's Big Brother has always been the rather poor relation of its UK, erm, big brother, the phrase "any port in a storm" springs to mind. You may note that it seems to be on a little early this year - another side-effect of the writers' strike (which is now over, hooray!), causing network heads to scrabble for any non-scripted programme to put out rather than end up with a schedule full of dead air.

And since our chums across the pond are no less prone to tampering with an established working formula than we are, this year's competition is all about coupling up, so each contestant will be paired with a house "soulmate" (the show's subtitle is 'Til Death Do You Part', in a splendidly macabre sort of way). They stand for Head of House together, get evicted together, go to the toilet together (probably) - everything. And best of all, one of the couples is a set of gays! How very awesome. Even better, one of them "slept with his sister's cheerleading coach - ruining her cheering career." We bet she was S-A-D sad about that. So, excellent idea or transparent tokenism? Probably the latter, but we're sufficiently intrigued to tune in and find out.

"COMEDY"! The Big Bang Theory, Channel 4, 10.00pm

One of our crowning memories of bizarreness here at lowculture was the time when we previewed season eight of Charmed and found ourselves having to defend our opinions against a particularly zealous defender of bleached blonde talent vortex Kaley Cuoco. Anyway, we've sharped our claws and prepared for battle again, since our arch-nemesis has returned in a new sitcom about a hot girl befriending some nerds. Oh yeah, we can see how this one's going to go.

In fairness to Cuoco (ugh, we feel dirty just writing that), she started out in sitcoms and was generally agreeable on 8 Simple Rules, although we get the impression that her role as an airhead didn't require a whole lot of acting. So she's playing to her strengths, such as they are, because in this show she's cast as a beautiful bimbo (the producers claim the character is not an idiot; they are fooling no one but themselves) who moves in next door to a couple of geeks, the variety of which only ever exist on television or occasionally in movies, because they have no dress sense and talk about science fiction all the time. Hilarious, huh?

It's not doing too badly in the States, but its relative popularity is a mystery to us - we've watched a fair few clips of it on the internet and just don't see the funny, and it saddens us greatly that the lovely Johnny Galecki has been reduced to appearing in this show. And knowing the way our luck runs, it will almost certainly rate higher than...

TRAGEDY! 30 Rock, Five, 11.45pm

Our current favourite show ends tonight, and is bowing out with very little fanfare. It hasn't really done the business for Five, ratings-wise, and has been punished by being given the dreaded double-bill treatment (though this was an extra treat for fans of the show, when you think about it) and pushed later and later into the night, up to the point where only insomniacs and the truly devoted are likely to be watching. This show deserves so much better, and if The Big Bang Theory ends up becoming a smash hit over here, we may have to go around whacking the offending viewers with sticks until they see sense.

So, final episode, and things are not currently looking up for ol' Liz Lemon. Floyd's moved to Cleveland and she's attempting to maintain a long-distance relationship. Tracy Jordan is currently missing in action (this sounds like a job for the marvellous Dr Leo Spaceman), and Jack's set to get married to hollow-boned possibly fake British chippie Phoebe. Oh, and his sassy old broad of a mother is back in town.

We've loved this show dearly, and it truly saddens us that, much as in America, it hasn't had the viewing figures it deserves. But by the hammer of Thor, let's just hope we at least get to see season two at some point, rather than just getting left in limbo like we were with Big Love. Don't think we've forgotten about that, Five.

Labels: 30Rock, Big Brother US, Channel 4, e4, Five, our nemesis Kaley Cuoco, The Big Bang Theory, TV

By Steve :: Post link :: ::  
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Sunday, February 03, 2008

Sitting pretties

HOT! Vanity Lair, Channel 4, 12.45pm

Some time ago, we asked on the messageboards "Why does Alexa Chung keep getting presenting work?" We've still not received a satisfactory response to this, but whatever voodoo she's been working to continually convince commissioners that she isn't an annoying bint with no presence or charisma whatsoever, it must be working - not only is she still on our screens, she was also featured in Broadcast magazine's Hot 100 recently. We did laugh when we spotted that she was only two places higher than the little girl from Outnumbered. (The aforementioned little girl was robbed, by the way, being far more charming and talented than Alexa Chung is ever likely to be.)

Not content with killing Popworld, appearing next to the increasingly irrelevant Ben Elton in the dreadful Get A Grip, and proving to all those who thought that the presenting talent for Freshly Squeezed couldn't possibly get worse than Sarah Hendy that they were in fact very wrong indeed, our nemesis is back, since those high-up at C4 have inexplicably seen fit to give Alexa yet another show - this time, a sort of Big Brother for people with really big egos. Well, bigger egos than the usual contestants, anyway. Scary thought.

The premise here is that a set of self-confessed beautiful people live together in a kickass mansion, and every week they invite an outsider whom they just to be suitably attractive to join them, at the expense of one of the current residents who is then evicted, with the person agreed as the most beautiful winning £10,000 at the end. The show claims to be examining what it really means to be beautiful, and we can only assume that in her role as presenter, Alexa will be examining what it really means to be loud, smug and pointless.

Labels: Channel 4, TV, Vanity Lair

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Friday, February 01, 2008

Box of Delights

The life of being a previewer for your favourite website is not easy, you know. Sometimes we look at the next week's TV listings, full of despair because there is nothing good to talk about that we haven't already previewed. And yet like buses, the law seems to be that you wait for ages for something exciting to come along, then it all comes along at once. Tonight sees such a ridiculous embarrassment of riches on the box that Steve and Rad needed to collaborate together (in a move that hasn't been seen since, oooh, Christmas) to get it all in. So get a cup of tea and a biccy and plan your evening with us....


RETURNING! EastEnders, BBC1, 8pm

It's good to see that Gemma Bissix's lucrative career of playing scheming bitches called Clare didn't end when she finally bowed out from Hollyoaks last year (and boy, does the show miss her. It's never the same without a good villain, and no, Jake Dean certainly does not count), as she reappears tonight in the TV alter ego we all knew before Clare Devine ever set foot in Chester: Clare Bates (née Tyler), in EastEnders on BBC1 at 8.00pm. Having been last seen as a rosy-cheeked schoolgirl heading off to Scotland with adoptive dad Nigel, she makes her entrance tonight in fine style - being thrown out of a car while wearing a skimpy dress and not looking not wholly unlike archetypal soap bitch-with-a-soft-centre Izzy Hoyland. Clare quickly reconnects with Dot, who's in dire need of a project at the moment, and then sets her sights on Ian, as everyone in the Square eventually does. Seriously, even the gays are going to be after him in a couple of weeks. When will this madness end?



ENDING! Jam and Jerusalem, BBC1, 8:30pm
We know that this series is never going to go down in the comedy annals in the same way that Absolutely Fabulous or The Vicar of Dibley have. However, we still love it, and it's a darn sight better than recent episodes of French and Saunders. This gentle, warm and still pretty darn funny series ends tonight when we see whether Tash will marry Spike. We'd like to see a Jam and Jerusalem wedding, so let's hope she says yes, eh?



SINGING! The Choir: Boys Don't Sing, BBC2, 9pm
We loved The Choir last year and we're very pleased to see it back. For the uninitiated amongst you, the series featured loveable, geeky and slightly hot choirmaster Gareth Malone (who has a touch of the Tennant about him, we think) in his attempts to transform a bunch of inner-city 'yoofs' into a choir to sing at the World Choir Olympics (if only they would integrate that into the ACTUAL Olympics, we would be so into that). This year, he's trying to repeat the same trick, only the 2008 twist is that it's an all-boys choir and they're competing in something at the Albert Hall instead. So there's a few echoes of The History Boys there, too. Only, we hope, without all the slightly creepy sexual undertones. This is your standard life-affirming fare, but none the worse for it.


JAW-DROPPING! Hey Paula!, ITV2, 10pm
Someone over at ITV2 has clearly broken into our top-secret personal diary, the one where we write our topmost secret telly wishes. While they couldn't quite see fit to give us "The Paula Abdul and Janice Dickinson Crazy Medicated Bitch Channel", they've done the next best thing, and got hold of Paula's very own reality show Hey Paula! to play directly after American Idol at 10.00pm. It doesn't take a genius to guess that the Paula in this show is Idol Paula, with the car-crash level upped by a factor of 20, so it will either be the greatest programme ever or the absolute worst. Possibly it will somehow manage to be both at once, thereby snapping the space-time continuum cleanly in two and killing us all where we stand. But let's hope not, eh?



COMPETING! Alan Carr's Celebrity Ding Dong, Channel 4, 10pm
If you're not a Paula Abdul fan, get the hell out of here and never come back. Sorry, that should read: "why not try Alan Carr's Celebrity Ding Dong on Channel 4 at 10.00pm instead?" - our mistake. We've read an interview with Alan Carr, seen a few trailers and looked at the listings, and yet we're still not really sure how on earth this show works, except that it pits celebrities versus civilians (no doubt inspired by Liz Hurley's famous clanger about the vast chasm between the two species) in a series of zany questions. It's got legs, certainly, but we'll wait until after the first episode before our final judgement.


REMINISCING! The Law of the Playground, Channel 4, 10:30pm
There was a time at the end of the last decade and the start of this one when you couldn't turn on your telly without a bunch of talking heads babbling on about the wonders of growing up in the 70s and 80s. Which was fine, because we all know that any conversation between 20 or 30 somethings always turns to the things of our childhood in the end. But there are only so many conversations you can have about all things retro before you get all meta and starthaving retrospectives of the retrospectives and the aforementioned space-time continuum comes and gets us. So what we are trying to say is that we are quite surprised to seeThe Law of the Playground returning for a second series. Perhaps Channel 4 decided it had been long enough without a nostalgia-fest that they could get away with it (or perhaps they were just desperate for some cheap filler whilst they wait for new episodes of Ugly Betty). The usual suspects are here: Justin Lee Collins, Vic Reeves, and, ooh, look who it is! Myleene Klass! Who'da thunk it, eh?


JAMMING! Later...200, BBC2, 11:35pm
The institution that is Later... With Jools Holland returns for a new series, and kicks off with its 200th episode. Although there is often a bit too much boogie-woogie jamming for our liking, the series is always guaranteed to pull off a few corkers from established artsists and is renowned for launching some great talent to boot. Tonight the big draw is a set from Radiohead, but there are other goodies to be had as well, including Cat Power, Dionne Warwick, Mary J Blige and Feist, a booking that will make at least one lowculture user very happy indeed.

So there you have it. Phew. We're going for a nice lie down now.

Labels: Alan Carr's Celebrity Ding Dong, BBC1, BBC2, Channel 4, EastEnders, Hey Paula, ITV2, jam and jerusalem, Later..., Myleene Klass, Paula Abdul, The Choir, The Law of the Playground, TV

By Rad :: Post link :: ::  
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Wednesday, January 30, 2008

World of Wonder

COMPUTERY! Wonderland, BBC2, 9pm,
COOKERY! Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA, Channel 4, 10pm,
KY-ER-LIE! Kylie Video Exclusive, Chanel 4, 11:05pm

We have a sumptuous three course meal for you tonight. People of lowculture, don't say we don't spoil you.

Our appetiser is Wonderland which looks at couples who have formed relationships through Second Life. We're impressed they managed to use that thing at all. We tried it once and couldn't get our heads round it. Although it probably won't be as jaw dropping as My Fake Baby, it could still be intriguing enough to get the chat room fired up, and, if enough alcohol is consumed, maybe even launching an LC group in Second Life that will last, oooh, all of a week til everyone gets bored.

Your main course this evening is Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA. Whilst the show has become incredibly formulaic in the UK, the American version is an altogether more tantalising prospect. The two episodes shown thus far have featured some explosive characters, which has been nice, although the film style camerawork means the full horror of the grotty kitchens is less vivid than the UK version. Which is perhaps no bad thing as we have had to leave meals whilst watching Kitchen Nightmares in the past, so disgusted were we. Tonight's episode sees a restaurant in Long Island that has a debt of $1 million. Ouch.

For dessert tonight, Channel 4 have a very special treat for you. Tucked away after Gordon is the VIDEO EXCLUSIVE! for Kylie's 'Wow' (We'll ignore the fact that it has already leaked on the net). When this was announced as the second single, it caused, well, some ripples. Members of the forum were crying over this being favoured instead of 'In My Arms', 'The One' and 'No More Rain'. However, people have finally been just about won over by it, with Camden Pirate declairing it just about the best thing to ever be played in a nightclub.

It also seems a very long time ago since she performed this on The X Factor and it got added to the playlists of radio stations around the country (which it was). It has been on the chart on downloads alone for several weeks. And it still isn't released as a physical single yet. We only hope all this pre-promotion will give Kylie a bigger hit than 'Two Hearts' and won't backfire because everyone is already sick of the tune.

By the way, 'In My Arms' is the single in other parts of the world, and we thought you might like to see this video while you wait. Even if, as Nurse Dunkley pointed out that 'It's ok, but is let down in parts by Kylie wearing Roisin Murphy's old (and quite hideous) dress, along with the bits where Kylie was probably off playing cards or something and they had to get Gina G in to cover for her'.

Labels: BBC2, Channel 4, Kylie Minogue, Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, Wonderland

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Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Difficult by Design

SPECTACLE! Grand Designs, Channel 4, 9pm

The new series of Grand Designs actually started last week, but we had important information on Cardiff's finest bisexual not-so-secret-agents to impart, so it passed us by.

Anyway, tonight's episode features a man with a £1.3 million budget to build his dream home, something the Radio Times describes as 'a cross between a garden centre cafe and a very chic contemporary prison camp', which is fairly intriguing.

Anyway, you know the plot. Ambitious person comes up with bizarre plan, Kevin McCloud doesn't approve, lots of setbacks ensue, thing gets built, Kev either relents and gives it a thumbs up, if it has used loads of exciting 'processes' he can talk about, or he tells us he was right and they were wrong all along.

But, as with Property Ladder, we don't watch this for the forumla, we watch it for those kerrazy properties. And tonight's episode show us what happened when the build and the summer floods coincided. Which should be interesting in a 'glad it's not me' voyeuristic kind of way.

What we are really hoping to find later in the series is a revisit to the bonkers boat people from last series, though. Let's hope Channel 4 can fix that one for us.

Labels: Channel 4, Grand Designs, TV

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Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Baby baby, be mine

PATERNITY! Hollyoaks, Channel 4, 6:30pm

Now, we have noticed that, of late, Hollyoaks has been even more rubbish than usual, with its dreadful plots about drugz and surrogacy. However, even if you have given up on it recently, you must tune in to tonight's epiosde, as it's a corker.

Firstly, we see the possibility of JP getting some new boy action with someone that isn't the wretched, whiny, self-obsessed Craig. We approve. Secondly, we see some development in the Carmel police plot, which we actually like, despite it sounding like the maddest thing ever on paper.

(There is also some nonsense with Nancy-Boy (Newt) and My Bloody Valentine / Goth 'n' Spell (Lauren) giving the Birdseye Botherer (Tom) an emo makeover, but let's skip that).

But the best thing ever is that, finally, after over a year of it being dragged out, the show remembers that there is a dispute over Charlie's paternity. Things arise when Charlie is taken to hospital with leukaemia. Jake(ass) has been such a nasty piece of work for ages that we hope it turn out the baby is Justin's. We also hope it splits Nancy and Jake up and she can remember that she used to be fierce, a long, long time ago.

As they are finally looking like they might resolve this one, can we suggest they continue this theme by getting the McQueens to remember Carmel's boob theft?

Labels: Channel 4, Hollyoaks, TV

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Monday, January 21, 2008

Law and disorder

HARMAN! City of Vice, Channel 4, 9pm

City of Vice actually started last week, but passed us by a bit as we had other things to preview, starring Jane Asher. In fact, it's on at the same time as The Palace, so really you'll need to record it or watch it on C4+1 or 4OD.

The series is based in London, just prior to the development of the Metropolitan Police and stars Ian McDermid and Iain Glenn as the crime-fighting Fielding brothers. Tonight's episode also features the enticing (well, for some, we never really got the appeal) prospect of Nigel Harman gaying it up. He plays a transvestite rent boy and we see a glimpse of the gay scene in a time where you needed to hide your sexuality for fear of death. Although we make no promises of accuracy.

From the publicity shots of frocks and whatnot, however, we're guessing, that the show will emphasise the camp and melodramatic rather than the serious business of people being killed for who they fancy. Or maybe we're just a bit cynical.

Anyway, it's Channel 4 post-watershed, and they've been trailing the whole series as being full of sex and violence (ie a bit like a period Torchwood), so at the very least you're pretty much guaranteed lots of shots of young men with their tops of. Not that we'd suggest your average lowculture viewer has one thing in mind, or anything....

CHANGING! Damages, BBC1, 10:35pm

We know we only previewed Damages a fortnight ago, but we needed to bring it to your attention today because it has suddenly moved from a Sunday to a Monday.

We are slightly worried, because moving things around the schedules normally implies ratings failure and imminent death and we will be gutted if this fate befalls our new favourite series, especially before it gets to the end of its run.

So, we implore you to tune in now for the good of this rather marvellous show. If you haven't been watching so far, here's a quick recap. Glenn Close plays a lawyer taking on a case aganist Ted Danson, who apparently is a corrupt boss. Rose Byrne plays Glenn's new recruit, whose boyfriend's sister has witnessed an important meeting Ted was involved in that might sway the case.

The sister's dog got killed, apparently in a move to intimidate her. HOWEVER, it wasn't Ted's team that did this, but Glenn's. So basically, we don't have straightforward goodies and baddies. Oh, and the whole thing jumps about the timeline, so we are treated to glimpses from the future where Rose Byrne's character is arrested for the gruesome murder of her boyfriend with a very spiky Statue of Liberty bookend. But of course, she's innocent. Or is she...?

So now you're as up-to-date as we are, and there are no excuses for missing this one any longer...

Labels: BBC1, Channel 4, city of vice, Damages, gay, Glenn Close, nigel harman, TV

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Friday, January 18, 2008

How's about cooking something up with me?

CULINARY! Gordon Ramsay: Cookalong Live, Channel 4, 9pm

As you can't fail to have noticed, today marks the sad departure of Dame Vera Duckworth from our screens. At times of extreme grief, what is our natural response? Why, to comfort eat, of course. And Channel 4 has come to our aid in this time of national sadness by showing Gordon Ramsay: Cookalong Live tonight, so that after the big event you can channel your grief into perfecting those cooking skills (which will help you as you consider applying for Come Dine With Me) and then eating the delicious results. The courses you can cook are: Pan-roasted Scallops, Steak and Chips and Chocolate Mousse. Vegetarians are permitted to make extra pudding to compensate for the meaty starter and main.

The gimmick of this show is that you are meant to cook along with Ramsay, which is all very well, but how many of us have our tellys in our kitchens? (Fortunately the recipes are all available on the Channel 4 website, along with some video clips of how to make them (so you can cheat a bit, essentially).

If you want to take part in this national event and report the results to us later (mandatory), the list of what you will need is below. However, we must warn members of the lowculture Fat Fighters group to look away, as these all appear to be highly calorific:

(The quantities listed serve four, by the way, so you may wish to adjust accordingly)

200g cherry tomatoes
Small bunch coriander
Small bunch basil
1 lemon
120g rocket

4 x medium Desiree potatoes (approx 600g)
Advertisement200ml full fat crème fraiche
250ml fresh double cream
1 x pack salted butter
1 x small block of Parmesan
12 king scallops, hand-dived if you can get them

4 x good quality Sirloin steaks approx 220 – 250g each, and approx 2.5 cm thick
1 x medium bottle olive oil
1 x medium bottle groundnut oil
3 x tablespoons white wine vinegar
60g pitted black olives (Kalamata if possible)
Sea salt
Black peppercorns
Chilli flakes

20g icing sugar
2 x 32g bars of chocolate covered honeycomb (Crunchie for example)
150g dark chocolate (at least 70% cocoa)
2 tablespoons coffee liqueur (Tia Maria or Kahlua for example)

Don't feel guilty about feeding yourself up in this time of grief. You'll need the fuel to get you through the dark days ahead. Anyway, we're sure it's what Vera would have wanted.

Labels: Channel 4, food, gordon ramsay

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Sunday, January 13, 2008

Sunday: the new black

MULTIPLE CHOICE! Lots of Shows, Lots of Channels, Lots of Times

Oh, the life of a member of team lowculture. You wait days for something interesting to write about, and then suddenly a whole bunch of shows come along at once. Tonight sees a veritable feats of LC-tastic telly, so much so that we're doing a bumper preview, the like of which hasn't been since here since, ooh, Christmas and New Year.

First off the blocks today (and possibly the most highly anticipated on the forums, not least for traditional sweepstake shenanigans) is Dancing on Ice, on ITV1 at 5:50 and 8:50pm. Much has been made of this appearing on a Saturday night, apparently too scared of The One and Only, but maybe ITV just thought if they slung this on the same night as TV Burp and Primeval, there'd be nothing left for the rest of the week.

Anyway, even if you haven't watched this before, exciting reasons to pay attention: 1) The judges have been joined by Ruthie Henshall, which gives this more credibility than it has ever had thus far; 2) The contestants include Suzanne Shaw, Tim Vincent, Samantha Mumba, Steve Backley and SARAH GREENE (who we wish could have done Strictly Come Dancing, but seeing as this teams her back up with Pip Schofield, we don't mind too much); 3) Some of the LC community have set up Bitching on Ice, a commentary blog, which will make it worth it even if the show itself proves to be less than ace.

After this (or rather, during the last ten minutes of filler), you should turn your attention to BBC1 at 7:40pm, where Lark Rise to Candleford continues the channel's current period drama obession. This is made all the more watchable because it features LC faves Liz Smith, Julia Sawhalha (fresh out of Cranford), Mark Heap, Dawn French, and, in a starring role, Olivia Hallinan. Frocks, hairdos and maybe even the odd bonnet - what more could you want on a Sunday night?

Well, you may be torn, because opposite this at 8pm on Channel 4 is the terrestrial premiere of The Phantom of the Opera. Addmittedly it's not all that great, and it shows up the flimsiness of the musical's plot in a way the stage version can almost camoflauge. But the songs! And after recent episodes of The X Factor and When Joseph Met Maria we will always now be replayng this in our heads with a starring cast of Lee Mead, Connie Fisher and Rhydian Roberts, something Andrew Lloyd Webber is no doubt working very hard to make happen as we speak.

And the TV goods keep on coming. On BBC2 at 9pm, we see the latest in Louis Theroux' occasional series of documentaries, Louis Theroux: Behind Bars. We have much enjoyed his recent documantaries on cults, gambling and liposuction, and his time in San Quentin prison promises to be just as entertaining, illuminating, challenging and heatbreaking. If you fancy something a little more cosy, then 9:20pm on ITV1 brings you the new series of Kingdom. We have never watched this, but it stars Stephen Fry, so it's probably a fairly safe bet. And if all you want is a bit of fairly average but occasionally amusing comedy, BBC3 brings you yet another series of Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps at 9pm. We have never seen a full series of this, only ever the occasional episode on BBC3 when there was nothing else on, so our understanding of the show's timeline is completely skew-whiff. We expect to watch the new series in much the same manner.

Still not enough for you? Well, More4 repeats the surprisingly touching Half Ton Mum at 10pm, BBC1 screens episode 2 of Damages at 10:30pm, BBC2 features the opening weekend of Liverpool 08 at 10:45pm and Channel 4 has a profile of Robyn at 12:35am.

Never let it be said that you're not spoiled for choice, people.

Labels: BBC1, BBC2, BBC3, Channel 4, Damages, Dancing on Ice, Half Ton Mum, ITV1, Kingdom, Lark Rise, Liverpool 08, Louis Theroux, Phantom of the Opera, Robyn, Two Pints

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Wednesday, January 09, 2008

We've had our Phil

HOUSING! Relocation, Relocation, Channel 4, 8.00pm

As painful as this is to admit, the appeal of all of these property formats is starting to wear thin, since we've calculated that the price of the average house these days means we're unlikely to set foot on the property ladder until approximately 2034, and that's assuming the prices don't go up in the meantime. So forgive us if we're not all that excited by the prospect of watching a bunch of gratingly wealthy bastards look for a four bedroom detached house with a small forest out back for the children to play in and at least fifty miles away from any traffic noise. We'd almost rather watch ITV2 rerun the most allegedly lolworthy auditions from The X Factor for the ninety billionth time since Christmas. Almost.

Anyway, no matter how angry we may be at the housing market, we will always hold a soft spot for the eternally put-upon Phil and Kirstie, who have to spend a lot more time watching these people scratch their chins over precisely where to spend their £500k than we'll ever have to. True to form, tonight's show involves a couple who are looking to relocate to Devon, having both got new jobs and sold their previous home for a tidy profit. We will probably spend the majority of the show screaming "fuck off!" and throwing cream buns at the television, unless these people turn out to be particularly likeable. Which might actually make things worse.

CROOKS! Honest, ITV1, 9.00pm

This is not, we are almost certain, a TV adaptation of the 2000 film starring three-quarters of All Saints, directed by Dave Stewart, although it reminded us of it sufficiently to make us add it to our list on lovefilm to see if it really was as bad as everyone said it was (and before anyone asks, no we're not getting paid to link to that site. Honest). Instead it stars ITV's go-to matriarch Amanda Redman as the head of a family of crooks attempting to go straight. Hilarity ensues, we assume.

It'll be interesting to see how this one pans out, actually. Somewhat predictably, our heads have gone straight to At Home With The Braithwaites, and if it's as cheerfully deranged as that was, we'll probably love it. If it's all earnest and gritty, we might not. But we'll see how the first episode goes, and take it from there. Come back and ask us again in a couple of weeks, at which point it'll either be our new favourite programme, or we'll have forgotten it ever existed.

Labels: Channel 4, Honest, ITV1, Relocation Relocation, TV

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Thursday, January 03, 2008

Big bother?

NOT RACIST! Big Brother's Celebrity Hijack, Channel 4/E4, 10pm
So, we can't tell you an awful lot about Big Brother's Celebrity Hijack, because according to some sources (well, Digital Spy and the Daily Star at any rate), it's all going horribly wrong before it's even started. Which is novel, as they usually wait a few days to mess it all up.

Anyway, the original premise of this was that a bunch of (ahem) 'gifted and talented' 18-21 year-olds (and that was their first mistake, as the 25 and over housemates are always much more interesting) would go in, and the SHOCK! TWIST! was that celebrities were going to 'be' Big Brother.

Then they announced some of the celebs, and the list sounded promising: Matt Lucas, Joan Rivers, Jake and Dinos Chapman(!) - some of the people who would never go in 'real' celebrity BB.

However, the aforementioned 'early reports' suggest that the producers didn't like their housemates and told the celebs they were going to have to go on, to which the celebs went: 'er, no'.

So who knows what will happen? What we do know is that a) it's on E4 (except tonight's double launch, streamed on C4 and E4, much as The Queen's Christmas Message is streamed across both BBC1 and ITV1 except obviously this isn't of national import, much as it would think it is), so if it all goes tits up they can just put in extra episodes of Friends and no-one will notice, b) this is Dermot O'Leary's last BB thing and c) James Corden and Matthew Horne, who we like round these parts, will be presenting Big Mouth for the duration. However short that is.

Labels: Big Brother, Channel 4

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Sunday, December 30, 2007

Big Fat Last Sunday of the Year

WIZARDRY! JK Rowling: A Year in the Life, ITV1, 7pm

QUIZARDRY! The Big Fat Quiz of the Year, Channel 4, 9pm
We have to say, in terms of books, 2007 was a disappointment. We didn't much rate the latest by Nick Horby, Alice Sebold or Armistead Maupin and we are still on the waiting list at the library for this year's Booker winner. Perhaps everyone else was too scared of the competition of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, which at the time, felt like an event akin to the second coming. Or at least Kylie Who. Although now the moment has passed it's easy to forget all the fuss, as it feels so long ago (much like Christmas, really). The book itself created one of the biggest ever sweepy wins on the forums (because there were so many deaths, although not Neville, which we feel a bit cheated by as we were sure he was a dead cert) and a fairly mixed response, although we loved it.

Anyway, in a crowd pleasing move, ITV is giving us a fly on the wall documentary of JK Rowling's life as she finishes book seven, gets it published, is asked a billion times what she will do next, and outs Dumbledore. We don't imagine we'll get to see her reaction to not being made a Dame in the New Year's Honours, when Jacqueline Wilson was, though. Shame.

Whilst we are mentioning kids' books (or sort of), a quick nod to The Shadow in the North at 8:55pm on BBC1. Starring Billie Piper, it's the second adaptation of Philip Pullman's Sally Lockhart books. But we haven't read any of them, nor did we watch the first part last year, and a quick trawl of the forums shows no-one else seems to have, either. Still, it's there if you want it, and we know a few of you love some costume drama action.

The main event of the evening, and the one which will no doubt lead to the last mass drinking session in the chat room of 2007, is the annual Big Fat Quiz of the Year, where the token non-comedian, non-man this year is Lily Allen (we said it at Comic Relief, we'll say it again, there are plenty of female comedians out there, you know. Give some of them some work!), joining David Mitchell, Jonathan Ross, Rob Brydon, Noel Fielding and Russell Brand (wot no Myleene Klass, John Barrowman or Adrian Chiles?). We loved Noel and Russell on this last year, although they hadn't been on our screens as non-stop as they have been this year, so it remains to be seen if they are endearing again this time round, or if they've become annoying.

Nonetheless, this show always produces loads of laughs and is also a bit easier than the nasty quizzes you get in the newspapers at this time of year, of which we can only answer about 5%, so it helps us feel a bit superior.

This is followed at 11:05 by a repeat of the last episode of series 4 of Shameless in preparation for the new series, which starts on the 1st. Join us tomorrow as we preview it in our Old Year/New Year double bumper edition...

Labels: Big fat quiz of the year, Channel 4, Harry Potter, ITV1, jk rowling, shadow in the north, Shameless

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Friday, December 21, 2007

Not tonight Santa

FESTIVE! The Friday Night Christmas Project with Girls Aloud, Channel 4, 10.00pm

Hooray, it's nearly Christmas! Unless of course you're one of those people who was feeling a bit like we were last week, in which case: fucking hell, hasn't Christmas been and gone yet? Just to warn you, lowculture will be slowing down a bit over the next few days as we prepare to travel to distant lands (most of them still within the United Kingdom, in fairness, but several of them not having wireless broadband so they may as well be on Prince Patrick Island for our purposes), but we will still be doing regular updates to cover the best in festive telly and other forms of entertainment. To get the seasonal weekend started, we are very pleased to see that Channel 4 have chosen Girls Aloud to do the Christmas edition of the somewhat variable Friday Night Project.

Girls Aloud are a lot more Christmassy than most bands, for reasons including but not limited to the following:

• They formed shortly before Christmas 2002


• They were responsible for the best Christmas No.1 of the decade (the fact that the competition is hardly fierce does not make this any less of an achievement)


• Their mini Christmas album from 2005 includes some of the best Christmas songs ever, especially 'Christmas Round at Ours'


• They are girls, and girls are better at Christmas than boys are

Labels: Channel 4, Girls Aloud, The Friday Night Project, TV

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Thursday, December 20, 2007

Come dine with me, let's dine, let's dine awaaaaaay

Labels: Channel 4, christmas, come dine with me

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Sunday, December 16, 2007

O come, all ye faithful

CONTROVERSIAL! Make Me a Muslim, Channel 4, 8pm
SONG-TROVERSIAL! The Liverpool Nativity, BBC3, 8pm

Before we begin today's previews, let's take a moment to reflect on THAT result. Yes, we know.

OK, moment over, let's move on, people.

So... it is at this time of year that our thoughts turn to the spiritual side of life (unless like us, you're doing a research project on religion on telly, in which case you think about it all the time), and we don't just mean of the alcoholic variety, ba-dum-tish.

In a slightly bizarre feat of scheduling, we see two shows with a loosely spiritual/religious dimension on at the same time tonight. So, which should get the lowculture vote?

Well, should this influence your choice at all, Channel 4's offering, Make Me a Muslim runs across three consecutive nights, not weeks, as you might expect. This already controversial 'reality' show follows six volunteers as they adopt an Islamic lifestyle for three weeks and try and live according to the values of Sharia Law. All well and good, but didn't BBC2's The Retreat do something very similar early on in the year?

Anyway, early reports (well Newsnight Review anyway) suggest the show is engineered for conflict, with participants including extreme stereotyped characters (e.g. the truck driver who 'just happens' to have a huge stash of porn, the gay man who 'just happens' to dress in women's togs from time to time), so we don't expect too much. But it should still hopefully be interesting.

BBC3's one-off offering, The Liverpool Nativity is one of those things that will either be a triumph-against-all-odds, or an unmitigated disaster. Following on from 2006's actually very moving Manchester Passion in which the story of Easter was set against a backdrop of Manchester-based songs, and featured local actors and pop stars in the main roles, this show does the same for the Christmas story, but sets it in Liverpool. See what they did there?

Promising to feature the songs of The Beatles, Echo and The Bunnymen, The La's, The Kalxons and, er, Cast, this also boasts a very LC-friendly cast, including Jennifer Ellison, Nerys Hughes and Geoffrey Hughes (Onslow from Keeping up Appearances. Yes, we know he was in Corrie and The Royle Family as well).

We hope this will be as entertaining and emotive as its Manchester counterpart (although to be honest, we don't hold out too much hope), but we'd still rather they stopped the series here and didn't attempt the Sheffield Pentecost, much as we'd like a starring role as an extra, and to see how Disco 2000, Don't You Want Me and I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor could be turned into loosely Biblical messages.

Peace and goodwill to all of you, lovely people. And remember, the true meaning of Christmas is to download Mariah's All I Want for Christmas Is You and cause an upset in the Christmas Number One stakes...

Labels: BBC3, Channel 4, christmas, liverpool nativity, make me a muslim, religion

By Rad :: Post link :: ::  
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