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After skates

BOLERO! Dancing on Ice: The Final Skate-Off, ITV1, 7.00pm

Dancing on Ice: The Final Skate-OffPerhaps it's just us, but it feels like this series has gone on for a few thousand years. Indeed, we're not entirely sure we can remember a time when Dancing on Ice wasn't on. It scarcely even feels like that scandalous early elimination of Sarah Greene was in the same series that we're still watching. Which is odd, because this hasn't been on any longer than, say, Strictly Come Dancing, and indeed it's been on significantly less time than your average series of The X Factor. Perhaps the issue is that on those shows, the contestants have to straddle different genres, be they of song or dance, whereas here it's just more ice dancing, every week, with a new move, or occasionally PROPS. Not that we don't enjoy it, but it gets a little samey after a while.

Nonetheless, we are excited for the final, especially since Gareth Gates fell at the final hurdle last week. We're not being unkind, and it's not that we don't like him as a person, but we always found his routines a little boring (although it was fun to watch Maria grimace every time he made a jovial comment about how well they got on together). We assumed there'd be some kind of national outrage over his unexpectedly early ouster, if only so the tabloids could nickname the whole affair "Garethgate", but if that happened, we missed it. We'd even put our necks on the line to say that we think the right three couples are in the final: plucky upstart Suzanne Shaw, hard-working but ultimately doomed Zaraah Abrahams, and presumably pre-ordained winner Chris "we're not worthy" Fountain.

Tonight there will be flying, there will be the Bolero, there will presumably be death-defiance if Suzanne has any say in the matter, and there will doubtless be floods of tears from judge Karen, who's been surprisingly restrained this series, at least in emotional outburst terms, so we can only assume she's planning to let it all out tonight. We can only hope poor Nicky Slater in the adjacent seat has remembered to bring his pac-a-mac and umbrella. And don't forget that the team over at Bitching on Ice will be covering the whole shebang in detail from start to finish.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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