Friday, February 01, 2008

Box of Delights

The life of being a previewer for your favourite website is not easy, you know. Sometimes we look at the next week's TV listings, full of despair because there is nothing good to talk about that we haven't already previewed. And yet like buses, the law seems to be that you wait for ages for something exciting to come along, then it all comes along at once. Tonight sees such a ridiculous embarrassment of riches on the box that Steve and Rad needed to collaborate together (in a move that hasn't been seen since, oooh, Christmas) to get it all in. So get a cup of tea and a biccy and plan your evening with us....


RETURNING! EastEnders, BBC1, 8pm

It's good to see that Gemma Bissix's lucrative career of playing scheming bitches called Clare didn't end when she finally bowed out from Hollyoaks last year (and boy, does the show miss her. It's never the same without a good villain, and no, Jake Dean certainly does not count), as she reappears tonight in the TV alter ego we all knew before Clare Devine ever set foot in Chester: Clare Bates (née Tyler), in EastEnders on BBC1 at 8.00pm. Having been last seen as a rosy-cheeked schoolgirl heading off to Scotland with adoptive dad Nigel, she makes her entrance tonight in fine style - being thrown out of a car while wearing a skimpy dress and not looking not wholly unlike archetypal soap bitch-with-a-soft-centre Izzy Hoyland. Clare quickly reconnects with Dot, who's in dire need of a project at the moment, and then sets her sights on Ian, as everyone in the Square eventually does. Seriously, even the gays are going to be after him in a couple of weeks. When will this madness end?



ENDING! Jam and Jerusalem, BBC1, 8:30pm
We know that this series is never going to go down in the comedy annals in the same way that Absolutely Fabulous or The Vicar of Dibley have. However, we still love it, and it's a darn sight better than recent episodes of French and Saunders. This gentle, warm and still pretty darn funny series ends tonight when we see whether Tash will marry Spike. We'd like to see a Jam and Jerusalem wedding, so let's hope she says yes, eh?



SINGING! The Choir: Boys Don't Sing, BBC2, 9pm
We loved The Choir last year and we're very pleased to see it back. For the uninitiated amongst you, the series featured loveable, geeky and slightly hot choirmaster Gareth Malone (who has a touch of the Tennant about him, we think) in his attempts to transform a bunch of inner-city 'yoofs' into a choir to sing at the World Choir Olympics (if only they would integrate that into the ACTUAL Olympics, we would be so into that). This year, he's trying to repeat the same trick, only the 2008 twist is that it's an all-boys choir and they're competing in something at the Albert Hall instead. So there's a few echoes of The History Boys there, too. Only, we hope, without all the slightly creepy sexual undertones. This is your standard life-affirming fare, but none the worse for it.


JAW-DROPPING! Hey Paula!, ITV2, 10pm
Someone over at ITV2 has clearly broken into our top-secret personal diary, the one where we write our topmost secret telly wishes. While they couldn't quite see fit to give us "The Paula Abdul and Janice Dickinson Crazy Medicated Bitch Channel", they've done the next best thing, and got hold of Paula's very own reality show Hey Paula! to play directly after American Idol at 10.00pm. It doesn't take a genius to guess that the Paula in this show is Idol Paula, with the car-crash level upped by a factor of 20, so it will either be the greatest programme ever or the absolute worst. Possibly it will somehow manage to be both at once, thereby snapping the space-time continuum cleanly in two and killing us all where we stand. But let's hope not, eh?



COMPETING! Alan Carr's Celebrity Ding Dong, Channel 4, 10pm
If you're not a Paula Abdul fan, get the hell out of here and never come back. Sorry, that should read: "why not try Alan Carr's Celebrity Ding Dong on Channel 4 at 10.00pm instead?" - our mistake. We've read an interview with Alan Carr, seen a few trailers and looked at the listings, and yet we're still not really sure how on earth this show works, except that it pits celebrities versus civilians (no doubt inspired by Liz Hurley's famous clanger about the vast chasm between the two species) in a series of zany questions. It's got legs, certainly, but we'll wait until after the first episode before our final judgement.


REMINISCING! The Law of the Playground, Channel 4, 10:30pm
There was a time at the end of the last decade and the start of this one when you couldn't turn on your telly without a bunch of talking heads babbling on about the wonders of growing up in the 70s and 80s. Which was fine, because we all know that any conversation between 20 or 30 somethings always turns to the things of our childhood in the end. But there are only so many conversations you can have about all things retro before you get all meta and starthaving retrospectives of the retrospectives and the aforementioned space-time continuum comes and gets us. So what we are trying to say is that we are quite surprised to seeThe Law of the Playground returning for a second series. Perhaps Channel 4 decided it had been long enough without a nostalgia-fest that they could get away with it (or perhaps they were just desperate for some cheap filler whilst they wait for new episodes of Ugly Betty). The usual suspects are here: Justin Lee Collins, Vic Reeves, and, ooh, look who it is! Myleene Klass! Who'da thunk it, eh?


JAMMING! Later...200, BBC2, 11:35pm
The institution that is Later... With Jools Holland returns for a new series, and kicks off with its 200th episode. Although there is often a bit too much boogie-woogie jamming for our liking, the series is always guaranteed to pull off a few corkers from established artsists and is renowned for launching some great talent to boot. Tonight the big draw is a set from Radiohead, but there are other goodies to be had as well, including Cat Power, Dionne Warwick, Mary J Blige and Feist, a booking that will make at least one lowculture user very happy indeed.

So there you have it. Phew. We're going for a nice lie down now.

Labels: Alan Carr's Celebrity Ding Dong, BBC1, BBC2, Channel 4, EastEnders, Hey Paula, ITV2, jam and jerusalem, Later..., Myleene Klass, Paula Abdul, The Choir, The Law of the Playground, TV

By Rad :: Post link :: ::  
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Friday, January 04, 2008

And did those feet in ancient times

AGAIN! Jam and Jerusalem, BBC1, 8:30pm
BORN AGAIN! Extreme Pilgrim, BBC2, 9pm

The Christmas and New Year season tends to mess with our ideas of time. We completely lose track of what day of the week it is (it's Friday) and the TV schedulers only add to our confusion by scheduling programmes on any old day. Case in point, the new series of Jam and Jerusalem. Now it may only seem like, ooh, three days ago, that we were plugging the first episode. And it was. But here is the second one already. However, this Friday 8:30 timeslot is apparently its regular home. We thought you should know. Never let it be said we don't have any public service concerns.

With the US writer's strike going on, and much of the new season of programmes yet to kick in, there really isn't a lot to commend to you on the box tonight. So our recommendation has to be Extreme Pilgrim. In this three part series, TV vicar Pete Owen Jones, who resembles the lovechild of Tom-Baker-era-Doctor-Who and Jonathan Creek, investigates various spiritual practices from around the world. It's probably very similar to The Beginner's Guide To... series that Channel 4 do, only more educational and serious no doubt.

Anyway, tonight he goes and visits some Buddhist Shaolin monks. And if film has taught us anything at all, it's that Shaolin monks are kick-ass martial artists. So whilst we expect Owen-Jones to have a go at adopting a Buddhist diet, chanting, meditating and all that jazz, we are also hoping he learns some fighting skills. In the name of public service and education, of course.

Labels: BBC1, BBC2, Extreme Pilgrim, jam and jerusalem

By Rad :: Post link :: ::  
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Sunday, December 30, 2007

Ring out the old, bring in the new

ANOTHER YEAR OVER! New Year's Eve telly

So, 2007, then. The year that brought us two Big Brother race rows, Any Dream Will Do, Harry Potter film 5 and book 7, floods, an actually good remake in the form of Hairspray, a new Prime Minister, Heroes, LOLyoaks, McDean, Ugly Betty, Martha Jones, Steven Beale, data loss by the government, High School Musical 2, David Platt, the LC chatroom, the rise of misplaced apostrophes, Facebook for the masses, John Simm as The Master, X, Gavin and Stacey (and also Max and Stacey... ewww), Britney's shaved head, Tangled Up, King Biggins, Umbrella, Enchanted, Same Difference, Big Evva, Sarah Jane Adventures, Stardust and THAT Indy article.

So, how are our TV schedulers sending this year out? Well, five is basically not bothering, with only the film version of Oliver! at 4:20pm of any note - and with their recent mini-series and the upcoming I'd Do Anything, the Beeb has missed a trick by not getting this one. They don't have any show whatsoever to mark midnight. Channel Four are doing little better. They also fail to have anything happening over midnight, although they have a Monty Python evening beginning at 8. However, they do up the ante somewhat with a new series of LC fave Come Dine With Me at the ridiculous hour of 4:55pm, so you best start remembering to set those videos/PVRs/Sky+'s when you go back to work...

ITV1 also has little on offer, although there is a double bill of Coronation Street at 7:30 and 8:30pm, where we see if Liz McDonald will marry Tricky Dicky off of EastEnders. The channel sees the new year in with a Take That and Friends at the O2 Arena at 11:15pm, which is a bit odd, but hey. They then try and grab Channel 4's audience with Monty Python's The Meaning of Life at 12:45 am, and you can cleanse your mind of images of Hollyoaks' Rubbish Tranny in fishnets with a showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show at 2:40am.

As is usually the case with big occasions, BBC1 has it all in the bag tonight, with a new series of Celebrity Mastermind at 6:30pm, followed by Spice Girls: Giving You Everything at 7, in which all five give interviews about their rise, their break-up, their fame and their reunion. Oh, and Geri cries. The 8pm episode of EastEnders ensures that Kevin Wicks (and thus half of Walford) will not be having a very happy new year, then at 8:35 we have The Vicar of Dibley Story which is basically a talking-heads/clip show thing and we think it was on last year, but what the hey.

As for the big 'see in the new year' shows, we have The Big Finish at 9:40, where Graham Norton and a bunch of celebs go over the year's events in much the same way Clive James always used to do, presumably in the format of the Bigger Picture which we were the only people who liked. Then you should turn over to BBC2 at 11:10 for Jools' Annual Hootenanny with Paul McCartney, Kate Nash, Kaiser Chiefs and KYLIE MINOGUE OBE. Yes, that's KYLIE. KYLIE HOO(TENANNY). BBC1 is also doing some actual rubbishy see-in-the-new-year thing at 11:10. Myleene Klass, naturally, will be there. No word on the Barrowman yet, but fear not, you can always watch this if you want to see out 2007 in the presence of its two most omnipresent personalities:





So long, 2007! And to show we still love our Scottish friends despite Leon, let's all join hands and sing: 'Should auld acquaintance be forgot....'

Anyway, enough of that, we have a whole new year to be getting on with, and our dear telly schedulers are heralding this new era with... well, loads of very old movies, in fact, the same ones that they show on every New Year's Day, although they are all packed with LC icons: Bedknobs and Broomsticks, 12:20pm, BBC1, Mary Poppins, 4:05pm, ITV1, Singin' in the Rain, 3:10p, Channel 5, and, ummm, Sister Act 2, 3:25pm, BBC1. BBC1 also sneaks in a repeat of Kylie Who at 2:15pm.
Pink Name. There is are two newish films on today - BBC2 premieres Finding Neverland at 5:30pm, and Channel 4 premieres Fantastic Four at 8:10pm, and we never got round to seeing these at the pictures, so that will be nice.

But there are three main events tonight, two of which clash, so make sure you are armed with Channel 4+1, 4OD or BBC iPlayer to avoid heartache. The first big offering of the evening is Sense and Sensibility on BBC1 at 9:10pm. You may think you have seen versions of this before, and you'd be right, but, like Dickens, it seems you can never have too many versions of Austen on the telly. This is followed by the first episode in the new series of Jam and Jerusalem. Now, this series divided people first time round, and we must admit, it took us a few episodes to get into it, but we soon grew to love the characters (played by the best ensemble of British female talent until, and since, Cranford, with David Mitchell and one or two other men cropping up) and the setting. Think of it less as a full-on sitcom and more as a gently funny drama and you'll love it, we promise. Well, you might, anyway. Oh, and just to warn you, episode two is this Friday. We will remind you of this at the time.

The other big hitter, which Paul gave you a teaser of a few weeks ago, is the opener of series 5 of Shameless. Now, series four was pretty below-par, but we hold out higher hopes for this one, with the promises of Lilian's knocking shop, Ian bumming Carl's teacher, Mimi having weight issues, and, er, a beach. In tonight's episode, Frank is told he only has days to live, and presumably hilarious high jinks ensue. Unfortunately Monica is still around, but fortunately, so is Norma. And who knows, maybe Monica will decide to bugger off again soon. We can hope.

Here are the first fruits of 2008, then. We'll be with you for the rest of it: Mistresses, Big Brother, Dancing on Ice, Torchwood, Doctor Who, Rubbish Tranny getting his comeuppance (we can hope), Strictly Come Dancing, The X Factor, The Big Fat Quiz of the Year 2008, and maybe even The Olympics if we get really over-excited.

Happy New Year, lowculture!

Labels: 2007, 2008, come dine with me, Coronation Street, EastEnders, films, jam and jerusalem, new year, sense and sensibility, Shameless, Spice Girls

By Rad :: Post link :: ::  
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