COMPUTERY! Wonderland, BBC2, 9pm,
COOKERY! Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA, Channel 4, 10pm,
KY-ER-LIE! Kylie Video Exclusive, Chanel 4, 11:05pm

We have a sumptuous three course meal for you tonight. People of lowculture, don't say we don't spoil you.

Our appetiser is Wonderland which looks at couples who have formed relationships through Second Life. We're impressed they managed to use that thing at all. We tried it once and couldn't get our heads round it. Although it probably won't be as jaw dropping as My Fake Baby, it could still be intriguing enough to get the chat room fired up, and, if enough alcohol is consumed, maybe even launching an LC group in Second Life that will last, oooh, all of a week til everyone gets bored.

Your main course this evening is Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA. Whilst the show has become incredibly formulaic in the UK, the American version is an altogether more tantalising prospect. The two episodes shown thus far have featured some explosive characters, which has been nice, although the film style camerawork means the full horror of the grotty kitchens is less vivid than the UK version. Which is perhaps no bad thing as we have had to leave meals whilst watching Kitchen Nightmares in the past, so disgusted were we. Tonight's episode sees a restaurant in Long Island that has a debt of $1 million. Ouch.

For dessert tonight, Channel 4 have a very special treat for you. Tucked away after Gordon is the VIDEO EXCLUSIVE! for Kylie's 'Wow' (We'll ignore the fact that it has already leaked on the net). When this was announced as the second single, it caused, well, some ripples. Members of the forum were crying over this being favoured instead of 'In My Arms', 'The One' and 'No More Rain'. However, people have finally been just about won over by it, with Camden Pirate declairing it just about the best thing to ever be played in a nightclub.

It also seems a very long time ago since she performed this on The X Factor and it got added to the playlists of radio stations around the country (which it was). It has been on the chart on downloads alone for several weeks. And it still isn't released as a physical single yet. We only hope all this pre-promotion will give Kylie a bigger hit than 'Two Hearts' and won't backfire because everyone is already sick of the tune.

By the way, 'In My Arms' is the single in other parts of the world, and we thought you might like to see this video while you wait. Even if, as Nurse Dunkley pointed out that 'It's ok, but is let down in parts by Kylie wearing Roisin Murphy's old (and quite hideous) dress, along with the bits where Kylie was probably off playing cards or something and they had to get Gina G in to cover for her'.