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One less blonde to worry about

POISON! Hollyoaks, Channel 4, 6.30pm

HollyoaksWe knew that our recent obsession with Hollyoaks and its unexpected aceness couldn't last. It had a good run, but it hasn't been quite the same since JP and Craig fell out and we sort of stopped shipping them a little bit. But don't tell anyone we said that. Apparently every time you abandon an OTP a fairy dies, or something. And since then, we're not saying we still don't make sure we catch every episode, because we do and old habits are very hard to break, but our love for the show is a little more half-hearted right now.

However! In the absence of other storylines worth getting excited about, Will decides to give Zoe an overdose. Hooray! We've had an irrational hatred for Zoe pretty much ever since she arrived - indeed, as time goes on we're starting to convince ourselves that our hatred is not irrational and is in fact entirely justified. It's partially the fact that her character biog clearly involves the word "ladette", and partially because she is the most unbelievably stupid human being in the history of everything ever. We'd list our reasons for coming to that conclusion, but we'd be here all night. Her failing to notice that Will slamming her hand in the taxi door was entirely deliberate was just about the icing on the cake, though. Her IQ must be lower than that of an ovum.

Anyway, she's attempted to put the brakes on things with Will, but she clearly forgot to read Breaking Up with Psychos for Dummies and now he's a little narked. Thanks to the magic webcam that no one's ever found, not even when she should surely have emptied her room of all personal effects in order to MOVE TO NEW YORK FOR A YEAR (sorry, still slightly angry about that one), Will sees Zak putting a drunken Zoe to bed and assumes the worse, so does what any sensible sociopath would do, and tricks her into overdosing on her pain medication, and sets it up to look like a deliberate suicide attempt. We hope he makes it look slightly more convincing than that time he slammed her hand in the door, anyway. But then, why bother to craft the perfect crime when it only has to work on an idiot? We're starting to understand Will a little better now.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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