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CariDee (or Melrose, or Eugena) on Down the Catwalk

FIERCE! America's Next Top Model, Living, 9.00pm

America's Next Top ModelIf we can be brutally honest, we don't think we're going to look back on this series of Top Model as one of our favourites in the future. It's been fairly entertaining, but will never be one of the classics. (Cycle eight, now, that's a different story. That's shaping up to be quite awesome so far. We're not going to give out any spoilers, but so far Dionne is one of our favourite contestants ever.)

Also, in the top five, this show made one of the most idiotic decisions ever, when they decided to cut Michelle over Amanda in the twin-versus-twin elimination, despite everyone on the show seeming to be of the opinion that Michelle was the better model, because Amanda "want(ed) it more". And Michelle, bless her, rather impaled herself on her own sword for that very reason, because she's a good sister, but then of course Amanda went and got eliminated the week after anyway, so it wasn't a terribly wise move on Michelle's part either.

Anyway! We have our final three: CariDee, Melrose and Eugena. We think it's safe to say without spoiling things that Eugena is clearly not going to win, because she's only taken about one good photograph in the entire competition (although her Matador picture was brilliant, we freely admit) and has largely coasted this far purely on the basis that there's always been at least one girl who was slightly more inept than she was. So the real battle here is clearly between CariDee and Melrose. We've had rather a soft spot for Melrose, who's been shown as this season's bitch despite the fact that the other girls have been every bit as hostile towards her, as far as we could see. But will she win? Well, we personally think that CariDee's been telegraphed as the winner since about week three, but then she did accuse Nigel of having a stick up his ass the other week, and it never does to puncture the judges' egos, especially not at this late stage. This cycle boasts the dubious honour of having the most ridiculous final catwalk-off ever, with a ghost bride theme and a grand total of about six people in the audience. But who will be America's Next Top Glorified CoverGirl Salesperson? We're saying nothing.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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