Friday, April 13, 2007
The Sanjaya Monologues
SANJAYA! American Idol, ITV2, 8.30pm
Pray tell, what camp were you in last year? Were you a paid-up member of Soul Patrol? Were you a McPhan? Perhaps you were a Yaminion? This year, there's one fan campaign that's taking the internet by storm, and it's not the Blaker Girls. Oh no: this year, it's all about the Fanjayas. And believe it or not, that's not a euphemism for a lady's mimsy. At least, not yet.
In case you've been buried under a rock for the past few weeks (or in case you've just been driven away from this show by Cat fucking Deeley, in which case we entirely understand), Sanjaya is the floater in the toilet of American Idol, the one who we all assumed would be long gone by this stage. But something appears to have gone very wrong this year - Sanjaya, along with fellow fodder candidates Phil Stacey and Haley Scartissue -- sorry, Scarnato -- has a chokehold on the contest and is refusing to go away.
The internet, it appears, loves Sanjaya. He's the candidate of choice on Vote for the Worst, and whether at their behest or independently, a lot of rock music mailgroups on the internet are sending out mailshots to get people to cast their votes Sanjaya-wards. (This makes more sense when you realise that this show actually uses toll-free numbers for its votes, which is why such a plan would never work over here - who'd waste 25p a vote trying to sabotage The X Factor when it does such a good job of sandbagging itself?) There's even a specialist website called If Sanjaya Wins, where you can pledge -- or threaten -- what you will do if he manages to outlast everyone else.
There's something rather endearingly car-crashy about Sanjaya - particularly when he gets into I Don't Give A Fuck mode and embraces his status as a national object of ridicule with renditions of The Kinks' 'You Really Got Me' or No Doubt's 'Bathwater'. Tonight's Latin night, and heck knows what he'll pull out of the bag, but we're sure it'll be memorable. The particularly obsessed amongst you will already have looked up on the internet to see who went this week, but in the interests of staying spoiler-free, we'll just say that if it was Jordin or Blake, we may have to kill someone.
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You know, worse than his weedy vocals are his "Ooh, whacky" hairdo's. The faux mohawk was a particular slump. I hope he goes, I know he won't.
A woman at work tried to explain to me that seeing J-Lo perform a song in spanish on her television this week was somehow the equivalent of having her home burglarized.