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You must remember this...

KISSING! Hollyoaks, Channel 4, 6.30pm

HollyoaksA kiss is still a kiss...except when it takes place in a soap opera, between two teenage boys, both of whom have girlfriends, because then it's not so much a kiss as it is a cataclysmic life-changing event. We make no apologies for our second Big Gay Hollyoaks Post in the space of a fortnight, because this is a matter of national importance. Folks, this is the moment we've all been waiting for: tonight is the night where Craig and John Paul give in to their obvious OTP-ness and kiss. Hooray!

It's not been an easy road to this point, since Craig submitted to the iron will of Swimbint's Magic Vagina (and if that phrase means nothing to you, we suggest you go and read the messageboard, which will make sense of everything - well, sort of) and John Paul buried his quite-gay-really feelings for his best friend and got strongarmed into dating weepy-and-needy-but-essentially- likeable Hannah. But the applecart got notably upset the other week when John Paul chose Hannah's 18th birthday party to admit his true feelings to Craig. He's been covering it up since, but now it's all going to come out again, if you'll pardon the expression.

Because Hollyoaks Comp is apparently stuck in some kind of 1960s timewarp, the Quartet of Unresolved Sexual Tension have been taking part in a dance competition. Playing the perfect boyfriend to Weepy Hannah gets a bit much for John Paul and he ends up flouncing off, only for Craig to follow him with some illicit moonshine that he snuck into the school. They get a bit wasted together, and proving the theory that the difference between a straight man and a bisexual man can be measured in units of alcohol (or possibly because they've heard all the posters on the messageboard yelling "JUST KISS ALREADY!" at the tops of their voices), one thing leads to another and the twosome finally lock lips. But of course, this being a soap opera, who should walk in on them at the pivotal moment but Weepy Hannah. Oh noes, as they say on the internet. We suspect that Hannah may not be immediately swayed by the "Craig/John Paul = OTP 4evah" argument and might just do something silly, like running off to tell Swimbint. We dread to think what the Magic Vagina will to do punish Craig after this.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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