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Smile wit' ya eyes

WORK IT! America's Next Top Model, Living TV, 9.00pm

America's Next Top ModelOh, Top Model. You most faithful of mistresses. No sooner than you've crowned your latest winner, you are back to entertain us with more weave-pulling, more fugly model wannabes, and above all else, more outright bitchery. What would we do without you?

So, at the end of cycle six, Jade was finally given the heave-ho and Danielle and Joanie were left to fight it out for Top Bitch, with Danielle finally taking the honours. By and large we were happy with that result - ultimately we were rooting for Joanie, but we weren't actually that concerned who won because Danielle and Joanie were both - in a surprising outcome for this show - talented and capable, and more importantly, neither of them was Jade. So while Danielle heads off to shoot her cover for Seventeen magazine and hawk CoverGirl products in supermarkets across America before presumably fading right off the radar (seriously, anybody know what America's Last Top Model Nicole is doing these days?), Tyra brings in the next batch of willing victims model hopefuls.

This was a two-hour opening extravaganza in America, but we're only getting the first half tonight, which means that we can't talk too much about the prospective runway walkers this "cycle" because we don't want to spoil you over who gets through. But among the hopefuls are a conservative preacher's daughter who's absolutely horrified by nudity, gaiety, and presumably everything else she's likely to encounter in the fashion industry. Well thought-out career choice there, girlfriend. There's also a girl who claims that all the contestants last season were "boring" (and of the many accusations we can throw at the last lot of nimrods, "boring" is not one of them), a girl whose ultimate aspiration in life is to be just like Tyra (uh oh), and a rather mannish-looking set of identical twins. Bring. It. On.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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