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All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Tuesday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» RAGE! Emmerdale, ITV1, 7.00pm
Emily Kirk. Not the most likely candidate to go on a spurned frenzy in the village, is she? If it had been a Dingle, or a Blackstock maybe, we could have understood. However, being forced to work in the same shop as her husband's mistress has taken its toll on poor sweet Emily, and tonight the stress all gets a bit too much for her, so she sets off on a rampage amongst the canned goods and penny sweets. It's not quite what we were hoping for when we dreamed she would hit gobby Viv where it hurts, but hey, we'll take what we can get.
» SAGE! Property Ladder, Channel 4, 8.00pm
It's not often that Property Ladder actually features people with property development experience - normally the lovely and knowledgable Sarah Beeny follows them on their first development and offers wise and learned advice (and, of course, is inevitably roundly ignored). You can just imagine her little heart leaping when she discovered that this week's motley crew had actually worked on a property before - and then you can imagine it sinking back down again when she learned that, despite an extensive modernisation of the property, they forgot to install central heating. Looks like Sarah's got her work cut out. Again. Poor woman - she should take a leaf out of Emily Kirk's book and go on a rampage every now and then, that'd make them pay attention.
» STAGE! The O.C., E4, 9.00pm
Believe it or not, it is raining in the Orange County this week. What chicanery is this - do they not realise that the sun always shines on TV? Anyway, not that this is at all a contrived piece of freak weather, but since Seth spent a large part of the previews last week fiddling around with a Spiderman mask, they're setting the scene for a take on the infamous upside-down-in-the-rain kiss from the Spider-Man movie. Still, as long as it's better than the boring lesbian kiss on the beach from two weeks ago, we'll let them off. This time.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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