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All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Tuesday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» SEX! Neighbours, BBC1, 1.40/5.35pm
From the moment we heard that Paul Robinson was making a return to Ramsey Street, we got very excited that we were finally getting an adversary worthy of the fabulous Izzy Hoyland. "Wouldn't it be wonderful," we thought for a while, "if they got together and had several tiny evil babies?" Well, it looks like we're on our way to getting our wish, since today's episode sees Paul and Izzy getting frisky in a sauna. A sauna! We know! As actress Natalie Bassingthwaighte put it in Inside Soap magazine, "If anyone is going to end up in a sauna scene, it's Izzy." Well, quite.
» SEX! The O.C., E4, 9.00pm
There are a lot of dissenting voices who don't think this series is living up to the hype, and to be perfectly honest, after last week's "shocking" (read "boring") lesbian kiss between Alex and Marissa, we're starting to agree with them. However, we'll soldier on, as is our previewing duty. This week: Seth is duly concerned that Summer and Zach may have had sex in that lovely hotel the comic book people holed them up in. Rather than pointing out to Seth that it would have been him boffing Summer if he hadn't abandoned her all summer and sailed to Portland, we'll just sit here sympathetically and let him know that if he needs a shoulder to cry on, ours is available. Or, y'know, Ryan's.
» SEX! Das Crazy Sex Show, Bravo, 11.00pm
Yep, it's a sexually-charged set of highlights today, for sure. We'll freely admit that we were struggling for something to put in this space, but when we came across (fnar) this in the listings, we just couldn't resist. Even the billing was hilarious: the Radio Times lists the content simply as "frisky Spanish lesbians". We can only hope that it does exactly what it says on the tin.
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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