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TANYA'S BLONDE HIGHLIGHTS

All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Friday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» PING! The Fairly Odd Parents, BBC1, 4.20pm
Yes, we are fully aware that this is a cartoon, and a children's cartoon at that, but we still maintain it's one of the best things on telly. For those of you not up to speed - Timmy is an average eight-year-old boy who happens to have fairy godparents. Today, Timmy is alarmed to discover that his science project rocket has grown a mouth and started to talk - no prizes for guessing that Cosmo is somehow at the bottom of it all. Something to do with with all of the magic waste stored under the house having a bad reaction with the rest of the waste down there...but ignore the premise and just enjoy the brilliant gags.
» MING! Emmerdale, ITV1, 7.00pm
You'd be forgiven for thinking that meek little Emily is the sort of person who'd just forgive you if you had an affair - however, now that she knows about Paddy and Viv (ew), it looks as though the worm has turned. We can't blame her - after all, we're not even married to Paddy and we still don't want to think about that particular coupling. Elsewhere, the faint-hearted may need to look away after another gruesome twosome - this time in the shape of Val and Bob - face up to the morning after the night before.
» SING! American Idol, ITV2, 9.00pm
Nadia is gone, and we're now down to the final seven - two girls remain, and five boys. Will the girls' poor streak of luck continue, or is it turn for a boy to get his marching orders? We're hoping that Creepy Scott, who appears to consider Jesus to be a personal friend, is set to march this week, but he seems to have a pretty strong hold on this show. No news on this week's theme, but we've heard a whisper that it might be disco, which is sure to provoke some interesting song choices.
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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