Monday, March 28, 2005
DEEP IN A PERFECT MOMENT*
If there's one thing Kylie has, it's charm. And if there's two things Kylie has, it's charm and a shitload of feathers.
As the Antipodean songstress launched her Showgirl tour in Glasgow's SECC last week, we were there to witness both in abundance.
The build-up to our visit on Tuesday was something else. All the show gossip (a 16" but-not-really corset! Olivier Martinez adding-French-phrases-but-not-really to Your Disco Needs You!) and excited gays in the Polo Lounge only added to the anticipation.
Even this writer's mum, who once referred to Ms Minogue as "the singing bugeriegar" admitted the tour looked like it would be something special.
Now, we don't want to spoil the show for anyone who's still to see it, but we feel we have to mention a few of the highlights that ticket-holders can expect:
» An amazing, hi-tec set that moved about like nobody's business, a bit like that car that turns into a robot from off the telly. Except it didn't much look like a robot, or a car, but it did have thousands of flashing lights.
» Hyper-fit boy dancers. Wearing pants, and not much else, and including a buff Glenn from Pop!
» A shower scene featuring said boy dancers in pants which led to the most homoerotic routine of the evening: the boys paired off, one standing firm as the other wrapped his thighs round his colleague's waist and proceeded to do sit-ups.
» Only one routine dominated by the girl dancers!
» Kylie pulling off some retro aciiieeed house dance moves!
» Kylie WALKING up the fit boy dancers like a fucking STAIRCASE! And later appearing on a giant glittery moon!
» A karoake-tastic sing-a-long at the end!
Full marks also to support act Melody Club, whose lead singer stomped about the stage like Mick Jagger and had some nice wavy arm movements. The tunes were a bit like Abba with electric guitars to our mind.
Points to note:
1. The glitzy programmes are £15 each, but they do come in a Kylie-branded plastic bag, thus justifying the expense entirely**.
2. Wouldn't Change a Thing isn't on the set list. :(
3. We forgot to bring our camera, so we'd be delighted to hear from anybody who flouted the various NO BLOODY PHOTOGRAPHY posters around the venue who are willing to share their ill-gotten images with us***. We may even be moved to post whichever tickles our fancy the most on the website.
4. We are now officially 240% more homosexual after the show, as if such a thing were possible, and we hope you will be, too.
* Or: FUCK ME! NEIL'S NOT DEAD AFTER ALL!
** not entirely
*** Particularly the very excited and very cute boy in Polo Lounge on Monday night who gave a minute-by-minute breakdown of the show to a female friend. We were too shy to ask to have a look at your pics.