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All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Tuesday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» ILL! Hollyoaks, Channel 4, 6.30pm
Cameron becomes the latest victim of the mystery illness that's plaguing the students. We really hope it's not too serious, but after the whole Bella fiasco we really wouldn't put it past this show to get rid of another of the very few characters we actually still give a shit about.
» SKILL! Pop Svengalis, BBC4, 9.50pm
No, that isn't a typo, lowculture is genuinely recommending something on BBC4. This may well be a sign of the apocalypse, so be careful out there. Lots of famous behind-the-scenes faces from the music industry (including Wham! manager Simon Napier-Bell) are on hand to discuss the role of the pop svengali, ranging from Brian Epstein to Simon Fuller. All we can say is that if Uncle Pete Waterman doesn't get a look in as well, we will be mightily cheesed off.
» CHILL! Shameless, Channel 4, 10.00pm
If there were ever a household on TV that could really do without the patter of tiny feet, it would have to be that of the Gallaghers; no such luck, though, as Fiona thinks she's pregnant with Craig's child. Meanwhile, ambulance-chaser Frank spots an opportunity when he has an accident in Kash's shop, and promptly sues, leaving Ian deeply fearful that the business will go bust and the bumming will have to stop. Oh dear!
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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