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TANYA'S BLONDE HIGHLIGHTS

All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Thursday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» SERIOUS! The Bill, ITV1, 8.00pm
The plot thickens in the case of Sam Nixon's (wasn't he the guy from Pop Idol?) daughter's abduction, as Sam tries desperately to prove that Abi has been brainwashed by her abductor into believing that he's actually her boyfriend. Normally this is where we'd make a sarcastic or deflating comment, but this is pretty serious stuff, so, um, we're not going to. We do have some sense of decorum, you know.
» IMPERIOUS! Charmed, Living TV, 8.00pm
The Halliwell sisters (well, Piper mainly) are planning a Wiccaning for tiny baby Chris, in the hope that they can shield him from evil. Like the evil that's going to make Wyatt go bonkers and try to kill you all, ladies? The good news: Grams turns up for the Wiccaning, and we love Grams. The bad news: still no Drew Fuller. Sob.
» MYSTERIOUS! We've Got The Builders In, BBC One, 9.30pm
Yet another programme that we don't really know much about (no, really? - The World) but felt compelled to recommend because it had such a fantastic title. From what we can gather, it's a fly-on-the-wall documentary about some kind of building project, but that's immaterial really, isn't it? Why worry about the content of the programme when, like us, you too can be wondering just how many menstrual cycle jokes you can make in relation to the programme title?
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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