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TANYA'S BLONDE HIGHLIGHTS

All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Wednesday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» WHOA! Blue Peter, BBC One, 5.00pm
Madonna talks to Matt about her new children's book, and receives her very own Blue Peter badge. Yes, you read that correctly. Madonna. On Blue Peter. It's official, folks: television doesn't get any better than this. We don't care if you're at work: set the video, watch it on a portable under the desk, phone in sick if you have to, but don't miss this.
» UH-OH! Desperate Housewives, Channel 4, 10.00pm
Gabrielle experiences all the fun of the affair (see what we did there?) until a nine-year-old finds out and decides to blackmail her. We'd probably feel more sorry for her if she wasn't an entirely unsympathetic character, mind. Meanwhile, in a storyline concerning a likeable person, poor sweet Susan confronts her ex-husband. Now, do we think there's any chance he's going to turn out to be a complete asshole?
» SO-SO! The Truth About Richard And Judy, five, 10.00pm
It's little competition for Desperate Housewives, we grant you, but it might be worth a quick look. A story of "egos, ambition and love" apparently - is it just us, or does that make this sound a bit like a Danielle Steele mini-series? Hmm. Danielle Steele writing the script for a Richard and Judy exposé would be fantastic. We'd watch that. This, on the other hand: meh.
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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