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All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Tuesday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» BEAUT! Wife Swap, Channel 4, 9.00pm
Or, as we'll be calling it this week, So Oz As Wife Swap, in honour of the antipodean hijinks that surely await. This week, Elissa, a mother of two with two jobs from Manchester, swaps places with Tanya, a full-time mother of six from Australia. We're still not entirely sure why anyone would ever want to go on this programme, but the intercontinental aspect is certainly breathing new life into the format. If all goes according to plan, tune in for a spectacular barney at 9:55pm.
» PURSUIT! Teachers, Channel 4, 10.00pm
There's nowt so queer as folk tonight, as Ewan finds himself in an embarrassing situation when a male pupil develops a crush on him, while Ben is peturbed to discover that he fancies a lesbian. Claire, on the other hand, for reasons best known to herself, is suddenly very eager to find out exactly what lesbians do. Ooh! We know! We know! First of all, they - (snip! People can watch Bad Girls if they want to know about that sort of thing. - Prudish Ed).
» ACUTE ! The Smoking Room, BBC Two, 10.00pm
There was a little bit of disappointment over the first episode on our messageboards last week, but stick with it - it's a slow boiler, but that's part of its beauty. The characters get under your skin without you realising, and if you watch too many episodes in a row, you really want a cigarette (trust us on that one). Tonight, a colleague suffers an undignified death in a supermarket, leaving the assembled nicotine lovers to ponder their own mortality, as well as selflessly wondering if they'll get time off for the funeral. Meanwhile, Annie is grieving for two - her beloved bunny Bright Eyes has snuffed it. The more attentive amongst you might notice a skeleton coming out of Robin's closet towards the end of the episode, even if none of the other characters manage to do so.
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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