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TANYA'S BLONDE HIGHLIGHTS

All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Thursday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» ANIMATION! The Fairly Oddparents, Nicktoons TV, 5.30pm
Yes, it's a cartoon, but there's not much else on worth recommending today, so we're going to point you in the direction of this fabulously bonkers and inventive cartoon about a boy called Timmy Turner and his fairy godparents, Cosmo and Wanda. Due to the fact that Nickelodeon don't appear to bother sending out billings for their programmes, we don't know which episode this is, but it's safe to say that Timmy makes a wish, something backfires, and hilarity ensues. It's a lot better than we just made it sound, honest. It's like The Simpsons used to be, i.e. good.
» COMPILATION! The Bill Uncovered - Kerry's Story, ITV3, 9.00pm
If watching the funeral on ITV1 at 8.00pm makes you yearn for the recently deceased Kerry Young, then why not watch this compilation of her greatest moments? Included: she marries a gay! She goes undercover! She accuses Smithy of rape! She gets shot! Narrated by Kerry's nemesis, Gabriel Kent. We're sure she'd've been ever so relieved to know that, what with him being her murderer and everything.
» CONVERSATION! Orange Playlist, ITV1, 12.00midnight
We'll be completely honest with you at this point: we don't really know much about this programme other than the fact that James Marsters, aka Spike from Buffy, will be picking out a selection of his favourite tracks. He probably won't have the dodgy British accent or the bleached hair, but we're willing to overlook that if he takes his shirt off at least twice.
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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