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REVIEWING THE EVIDENCE

So where the fuck has Lowculture been all week?
That's a very good question, actually. And the truth* of the matter is, we've been glued to the brand-spanking-new digital channel, ITV3, for much of the last few days (except for the times we were in the pub, or watching different channels).
Last night's schedule of shit was particularly impressive, containing as it did a special episode of The Bill. The purpose of this one-off clipfest was to commemorate the death of the wonderful WPC Kerry Young, who fell victim to a serial sniper a couple of weeks ago.
The wonderful twist in her storyline was, of course, the fact that the sniper who shot her down was none other than Mark Fowler from out of EastEnders – or, as The Bill insist on calling him, PC Gabriel Kent.
In a daring move, ITV3 viewers were treated to the sight of actor Todd Carty as Gabriel, in a badly-lit courtroom set, narrating a selection of clips from Kerry's time in the show.
There was much to love about this show – not least Carty's scenery-chewing turn as Gabriel, who broke the "fourth wall" to directly address the audience, as if taking part in some kind of demented episode of Jackanory.
It was also fun spotting which old characters had been murdered when they left the show (ie most of them). And any opportunity to relive PC Ashton's descent into bumming must be warmly received.
If all the shows on ITV3 are going to be at once so utterly rubbish and utterly brilliant, we predict a healthy future for the channel.
And we love the idea of lots of really cheap spin-offs based on popular dramas – fingers crossed that Rosemary and Thyme Uncovered is already in production!
» By the way, ITV-so-called-3 – what has happened to the late night repeat and weekend omnibus of The Bill? They're listed in all the TV mags, but there is absolutely no sign of them on our telly. Sort it out, please.
*Not true.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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