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TANYA'S BLONDE HIGHLIGHTS

All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Friday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» MOOD! A Nightmare on Coronation Street, ITV1, 8.30pm
If Coronation Street were ever to set up a gaydar profile for itself, we don't think it could ever, with the best will in the world, describe itself as "straight acting". This special clipshow features a number of the show's scariest (read: campest) moments in honour of Hallowe'en. Relive the joy of Tricky Dicky Hillman trying to bump off the Platts (and the agony when you realised Gail survived), the all-out insanity of Mad Maya's campaign against Dev (though if you don't remember all of that anyway you should probably see a doctor) and, best of all, superbitch Anne Malone's icy death at Freshco. Mmm, frosty.
» FEUD! Green Wing, Channel 4, 9.30pm
Fans of the show will shed a tear tonight (and obsessives of the show will emit a Sue White-like howl of agonised despair) as this is the last show in the series. Caroline tries to find out lots of bad things about Sheffield to stop Mac from moving, Joanna tries to get Alan back (obviously oblivious to the fact that he will only ever have eyes for Boyce) and we're promised a spectacular and very literal cliffhanger ending. A second series has already been commissioned, but we might be waiting a while for it. Here's a pamphlet on dealing with sudden loss, now fuck off.
» RUDE! South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut, Channel 4, 10.40pm
Bad news for Lee Ryan: Cartman, Kenny, Stan and Kyle sneak into profane R-rated movie "Asses of Fire" and extend their vocabulary in all manner of obscene ways, thus prompting a world war sequel. One of the glorious things about this movie is the fact that it mocks everyone, from those who are watching right across the board to those who would never watch it in a million years. The musical numbers are spectacular, particularly 'Uncle Fukka', 'Blame Canada' and 'Kyle's Mom's A Bit Fat Bitch', and it's quite alarming that a cheaply-animated cartoon about a bunch of potty-mouthed children manages to be the most scathing satirical movie in years. Don't miss it.
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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