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All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Monday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» BACKSTAGE! Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two, BBC Two, 6.30pm
We don't throw titles like "the gayest show on television" around lightly (except when we do), but this has to be a contender. Following the success of the last series, Strictly Come Dancing is back for a hastily-commissioned second round featuring lowculture favourites such as Sarah Manners (Casualty's Bex and Mile High's KC) and Esther Rantzen. This BBC Two spin-off is led by another of our favourites (Claudia Winkleman) dishing the backstage goss. Tantrums and tiaras ahoy.
» WEDDING RAGE! Coronation Street, ITV1, 7.30 & 8.30pm
Hands up everyone who thinks Sunita "I Don't Believe In Miracles, How Often Does A Dream Come True?" Parekh shouldn't marry greasy Dev "So Macho" Alahan? Everybody? Yep, we thought so. We love Sunita, even though she's mysteriously transformed from a fiesty gay-Todd-befriending, dodgy-Irishman-marrying, arranged-marriage-avoiding lass into a dreary wedding-and-Dev-obsessed wench. Don't bank on a happy ending just yet, anyway, because devious Maya "Right Back Where We Started From" Sharma is sowing the final seeds of her deranged plan to split the "happy" couple, culminating in a double arrest at the altar. Soap weddings, hurrah!
» ACTING SAGE! Spooks, BBC One, 9.00pm
We'll be crying into our late-night bowl of cereal tonight as we face the first Matthew Macfadyen-less episode of Spooks. Let's not despair too much, though, as there's still lots of fantastic espionage action as Danny attempts to protect a controversial author from an assassination attempt. Meanwhile Rupert Penry-Jones attempts to hold up the hottie count singlehandedly, and copes rather well.
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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