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Something's come along and it's burst our bubble

SERIAL DRAMA! The soaps, usual channels, usual times

It's been a while since we previewed most of the soaps, and by now they should all be in the throes of post-Christmas-near-apocalypse fallout so as there is nothing particularly exciting on tonight that we haven't already previewed recently, we thought we'd give you a little run down on where things are at with each of them.

In Doctors, the soap that isn't quite a soap, there is some tedious ongoing business, including some more on the *so wrong* affair between George and Nick, and a slightly more interesting patient storyline involving a woman stabbing her husband in the leg because she gets frustrated with a TV shopping channel. Now, that's more like it.

After its long winter break Neighbours is back, and we missed it so much that we have forgiven the fact that it hasn't been very good of late. Sadly, today's episode doesn't feature much in the way of Valda, or Frazer, or Harold, or Lou, or Susan (though next week Susan's illness - and yes, we know what it is, and we are also not telling - comes more to the forefront). It does feature the Barnes/Napiers, and the tedious plot involving Gus Cleary's made-up sister. But it's still more entertaining than life without it.

Home and Away sees the sexual tension between Jonah and Martha reach a climax (ahem) and also features a death. We won't tell you who. Meanwhile, in Hollyoaks, Micksy is still flirting with the absurdly young priest. We think she will be out of luck. Elliot and JP try more Rubbish Tranny pwning, which is always a good thing. And even Swimbint gets in on the Tranny pwning action today. We like that the writers have turned on him recently and realised how obnoxious he really is. The Barnes family are trying to come to terms with the fact that Bintmother Kathy poos in tupperware to taunt the neighbours, and in a move that will divide the opinions of the board, and of all Hollyoaks viewers, a new relationship is consummated...

Of the big three, in Emmerdale the Nicola/David
storyline trudges on, whilst Val has health worries... Coronation Street is building up to the big events of next week, when one of the show's longest-serving characters bows out. Tonight, however, we see Kevin go to trial, Ryan go missing, and David potentially get some girl action. Surely that one can't end at all well? As for EastEnders, Darren's inexplicable rise into rubbishy EastEnders wide-boy type continues, and Ian's pushy parenting of Peter escalates. Take your bets on the outcome of this story, people. Will it be drugs? An eating disorder? Running away? A suicide attempt? Or emulating big brother Steven and creating awesome forms of Ian-torturing revenge?

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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