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(Bank) Holiday! Celebrate!

Look at this! We're normally far too lazy to do an update on a bank holiday, but since everybody knows that's where all the best telly is hiding, we thought we'd come out of the woodwork today and write something for you. Just don't expect us to start working Sundays, unless you're offering double-time or something. Or paid holiday, that would be nice.

Clearly the most exciting thing on television today will be Identity on BBC2 at 5.15pm. It is exciting because it is hosted by Donny Osmond. The premise of the game is apparently for the contestants to use their mad perceptive skillz to match people to their secret identities. Presumably the challenges will be a tad tougher than spotting that Clark Kent is Superman.

Beyond this, there is a new episode of Breaking Up with Shannen Doherty on ITV2 at 8.00pm, where Dame Shannen will be helping a dancer who's become out of step (geddit?) with her partner. We're still waiting for the episode where she gets to bitch slap Alyssa Milano for making her break up with Aaron Spelling. How long must we wait, eh? Also, there's a new episode of Dirt on Five US at 9pm, where the presumed woobification of the once mighty Lucy Spiller commences as she searches for the truth about her father, WHO IS DEAD. She should stop snivelling and audition for The X Factor.

In re-runs and other randomness, BBC1 is showing 'Allo 'Allo (at 3.10pm) and Keeping Up Appearances (at 3.40pm). There's also Dancing with the Stars at 4.10pm, and you can see the special effects wizardry that makes it possible for Sarah Jessica Parker to look like a wizened old crone in Hocus Pocus at 1.40pm.

And finally, since we're wondering exactly how long it will have to be before we can watch High School Musical 2 properly, here's something to keep us going in the meantime:

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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