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Class is for people with no money

CARNAGE! Jordan and Peter: Marriage and Mayhem, ITV2, 9.00pm
The marriages of low-rent and utterly classless celebrities seems to be extremely fertile ground for fly-on-the-wall documentaries these days. Newlyweds did far more for the careers of Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey than either of their singing careers, whereas Britney and Kevin: Chaotic had precisely the opposite effect on Britney Spears, since watching her babble vapidly about how hot Kevin Federline is over endless sequences of poorly-shot camcorder footage made a lot of us wonder whether 'Toxic' was really worth all of this. Then of course there was Totally Scott-Lee, and perhaps the less said about that the better (although we can only assume that a second series would see Michelle Heaton pushed into a starring role, and it might be a lot more amusing that way). Part of the fun of Jordan and Peter Andre's relationship, though, is the fact that we've all been in on it from the beginning. We saw the initial attraction on I'm A Celebrity..., we read all about the progression in heat on a weekly basis, we saw more of it on Jordan and Peter: Laid Bare. Indeed, their marriage was so well-publicised it made us wonder that if people stopped being interested, would the two of them just disappear, in the same way that fairies are killed by children who do not believe? As the old saying goes "if Jordan marries Peter Andre and there were no tabloids there to see them do it, would they even bother to go to the reception?" We suspect that's not very likely, of course. We've all goggled at the horrendous wedding photos in OK!, we've all gone "what the fuck are those rings all about?" and now we can all see how they got there. Hurrah! Er, we think.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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