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Waiting for the love boat to come

THE END! Celebrity Love Island, ITV1, 9.00pm
Not quite the ratings behemoth that ITV were hoping for, and forcing broadcasters to rethink a lot of programmes with “celebrity” in the title, Celebrity Love Island limps to a conclusion tonight. Being propped up by Coronation Street has helped its fortunes a little bit, although it’s not worked out quite so well for Corrie, leading some of the writers to develop a bit of a strop on with the schedulers, and perhaps not without their reasons. There are a few things we’ll miss about this show: the way they tried to make us forget Liz McClarnon ever existed, Jayne Middlemiss getting all hypertense and upset, Paul Danan making a play for anything that moved, including a few trees that just happened to sway in the wind. Anyway, tonight we’ll find out the winners – the King (and Queen) of the Swingers, if you will. We wonder what lies in store for the illustrious winners? Aside from a cash prize and a badge that says "I was the biggest ho in Fiji", of course. We’ve still got our fingers crossed for a Simpsons-esque revelation that it was a peninsula all along.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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