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All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Friday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» CAMP! The Simple Life 2: Road Trip, Channel 4, 7.35pm
Poor Nicole may have been cast aside as Paris's sidekick in the real world (and we don't mean that other reality show), but in the world of delayed terrestrial premieres, Paris and Nicole are still totally BFF. In a change of format from the first series, the two socialites take a trip across the USA with only their feminine wiles as their float. Still, we're fairly certain that Paris Hilton can call in a few favours when she needs to, if you know what we mean, and we're certain you do.
» CHAMP! Playing It Straight, Channel 4, 10.00pm
It's make or break time for Zoe, as she finally has to trust her gaydar and pick the straight guy. She'll be getting advice from ousted contestants (who may, it has to be said, not have her best interests at heart, since she booted them and all), but it's ultimately her decision, and there's a fair amount of cash at stake. As for the remaining cowboys, why, they'll be serenading Zoe tonight. Kudos to any of them who don't look totally gay attempting that, say we.
» VAMP! Buffy The Vampire Slayer, BBC1, 11.35pm
Not the massively successful cult TV series starring Sarah Michelle Gellar, but the significantly less successful cult movie starring Kristy Swanson, Donald Sutherland, Rutger Hauer and Luke Perry. Fans of the TV show who've not yet seen this may be a little disappointed that it's not quite as polished as the series (and to be perfectly honest, it's downright daft in place), but there's lots of fun to be had here. Fangtastic. (We're sorry, we're very, very sorry.)
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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