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All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Thursday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» LOOT! Footballers' Wives, ITV1, 9.00pm
Lucy is convinced she's met the perfect man on the internet. No, Lucy! Trust us, we've been there, and the internet is full of sickos and weirdos, and everyone who inhabits it is a freak! Er, except for all the loyal readers of this wonderful site, of course. Elsewhere, Amber is building up momentum in an attempt to topple Hazel from her ivory tower. Surely such a task is foolhardy? We wouldn't dare cross Hazel, she'd have our balls for a stress reliever.
» BEAUT! Kath & Kim, BBC2, 10.00pm
If you are as yet unexperienced in the world of Kath & Kim, you are in for a treat. The hit Australian sitcom finally transfers to UK terrestrial TV (it's been knocking about on Living TV for a while) and it's bonza, a beaut, and, er, ripper. Kath is a well-meaning mother with a poodle perm, a "hunk o' spunk" boyfriend and a sense of fashion forever lodged in the 1980s. Kim is her spoilt, self-centred daughter who returns home after walking out on her husband ("my marriage is over! O-V-A-H!") because she thinks she deserves better. The characters are brilliantly observed (we love Kim's friend Sharon), the dialogue full of cracking malapropisms, and there are enough catchphrases in here to make this 2005's answer to Little Britain. Now, repeat after us: "look at mooiee!" "That's noice, that's different, that's un-yews-ewal..."
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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