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All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Monday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» FUTILE! Coronation Street, ITV1, 7.30 & 8.30pm
The Killer Kay-eh storyline wings its way towards a conclusion tonight. Presumably bringing about the death of a family member is something that's a lot easier the second time, as Katy puts her affairs in order and prepares to kill...er, herself tonight. She's wracked with guilt over Angela's false confession, and cracking up increasingly with each passing day, so it's not looking good for her. However, in true soap tradition, her body gets discovered...but before or after she expires? Well, we won't spoil that one (if only because we're not 100% sure ourselves).
» HOSTILE! Smallville, E4, 9.00pm
After the weirdness of last week's non-wedding between Clark and Alicia (at least, we think it was a non-wedding - we never did quite get to grips with the legalities of the whole thing, and if we didn't follow it, we're fairly certain that super-slow Clark didn't either), the honeymoon appears to be well and truly over as someone attacks Jason and Lana - and the finger of suspicion points straight at Alicia. We can't condone that sort of behaviour, even if we do occasionally have murderous urges towards Lana ourselves.
» PROFILE! Russell T Davies: Unscripted, BBC4, 10.00pm
Yes, we know, BBC4 and lowculture ought, by rights, to be mortal enemies. We are fairly certain, however, that there isn't a lowculturite out there whose life has not been in some way enhanced by the work of Russell T Davies: be it via his sterling early work on Why Don't You, or when Queer As Folk officially made TV Gays interesting, or when The Second Coming made us stop and have a jolly good think about what we thought we knew, or through his recent outings with Casanova and Doctor Who. We're hoping for some insights into the man, the myth, and the bumming.
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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