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All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Thursday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» SOAP! EastEnders, BBC1, 7.30pm
Chrissie continues her one-woman campaign to be the biggest bitch since Janine got carted off to the chokey tonight - poor stupid Sam is getting increasingly angry that Chrissie won't sign over her share of The Vic (go Chrissie! She'll only swap it for some magic beans or something anyway) and so threatens to blow the whistle on Dengate. Chrissie, not to be outdone, makes a very public display of chucking all of Den's clothes out of the window and announcing he's left her, making sure the whole Square can hear. The woman's a fruitloop, but we love her.
» MOPE! Charmed, Living TV, 8.00pm
Leo decides to tell Piper that he's an Avatar now. We'd say that Piper, as the most intelligent of the Halliwell sisters (although that's really not much of a compliment), ought to have guessed that something was amiss by now, but that might be giving the characters on this show too much credit. Anyway, Leo drops "da" bomb, and it all gets messy. Oh, ew. That wasn't supposed to come out quite like that.
» DOPE! Celebrity Surgery: Who's Had What Done?, ITV1, 10.00pm
This looks like being the ultimate in guilty-pleasure TV - at least, for a night when Desperate Housewives isn't on. Surgeon to the stars Alex Karidis lifts the lid on the telltale signs of plastic surgery - because it's not like it's easy to spot when someone's had a boob job, or anything. Brace yourself for the shocking revelation that Pamela Anderson may have had breast implants.
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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