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TANYA'S BLONDE HIGHLIGHTS

All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Wednesday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» AARGH! The Bill, ITV1, 8.00pm
We don't even want to think about how difficult it must be for the staff of Sun Hill police station to get insurance. Well, after tonight, it'll be even harder, because: whoopsie daisy, somebody's blown it up again. As you may have suspected, not everybody is going to make it out alive, but the fun will be figuring out exactly which staff members will number in the body count...
» NOIR! Charmed, Living TV, 8.00pm
It's a massive shame that Drew Fuller's reappearance as Chris was only for one episode last week, as his presence brightened up the season considerably, but tonight's episode looks like it might just have an interesting enough concept to keep the standards up: Paige and Agent Brody get pulled into a cheesy noir novel by one of the students at Magic School, leaving Piper, Phoebe and Leo on the outside trying to alter the plot to keep them from dying. Hmm. We'd be quite concerned if our fate lay in the hands of Phoebe's literacy skills...
» LAAAA! Broadway - The American Musical, BBC4, 9.00pm
No, you're not hallucinating, and no, we're not getting paid for this - that really is the second programme on BBC4 we've recommended this week. What can we say? It's a slow night, and this one has automatic bummer interest by virtue of being all about jazz hands. Tonight, the musical theatre industry suffers as a result of the Wall Street Crash and the invention of talking pictures. Eep.
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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