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All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Wednesday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» BUFF! Blue Peter, BBC1, 5.00pm
Now obviously we're recommending this stalwart of the children's programming schedule because of the inherent education value it has for the youth, and we want to support that. It has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the bummer-friendly theme of today's programme being a celebration of buff presenter Simon Thomas, who is set to leave the show in two months' time. That's just a happy coincidence. Honest.
» TOUGH! Jamie's School Dinners, Channel 4, 9.00pm
We don't know how he did it, but Jamie Oliver has successfully pulled off a turnaround from being the supremely slappable face of celebrity cheffing and new laddism to a surprisingly admirable philanthropist. After taking a considerable risk to train a group of ungrateful young'uns to be chefs in Jamie's Kitchen, the man himself turns his attentions to the dirty bastard child of British cooking: the school dinner. There'll be foul language and tears, and that's just the kids, etc...
» ROUGH! Desperate Housewives, Channel 4, 10.00pm
After last week's unfortunate accident, the residents of Wisteria Lane are in a reflective mood. Susan begins to wonder whether Mike's arrival in the neighbourhood may not have been entirely coincidental - like, about fricking time, Susan! - and Lynette finally cracks and admits that she needs help with her addiction to the kids' ADD medication. Oh, and yet another housewife dies. Yep, just watch those property prices plummet.
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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