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All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Wednesday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» (HIGH) NOON! Coronation Street, ITV1, 7.30pm
It's a soap-tastic week for Corrie this week, in the first of two recommendations that we'll be making concerning the good folk of Weatherfield. Tonight, Ken and Deirdre are about to say "I do" yet again (already? Didn't he only propose a couple of weeks ago? Dear God, please don't let this be a shotgun wedding, we couldn't cope with the trauma) when the ceremony is disturbed by a face from the past. We don't like to spoil things, but it's totally Ray Langton, Deirdre's ex and father of Tracy. Hurrah!
» CROON! Comic Relief Does Fame Academy, BBC1, 8.00pm
Oh, don't look at us like that - at least this is for charity. What was the excuse for The X Factor, eh? Cowell Aid? This second run of the charity singalong features "celebrities" such as Kim Medcalf and Edith Bowman, as well as lowculture favourites Dawn Steele and Debra Stephenson. We'll be interested to see if Top of the Pops's Reggie Yates fares any better than Fearne Cotton did last time around - we still haven't quite erased that memorable performance of 'Driftwood'...
» SWOON! Desperate Housewives, Channel 4, 10.00pm
Guilty Gabi decides to ease her guilty conscience by holding a fashion show to raise money for the hospital that's treating Mama Solis. Of course, it might be more productive if she'd just decided to, oh, we don't know, stop boffing the gardener. Meanwhile, Lynette decides to poach a nanny from another family, and dear sweet Bree goes absolutely batshit when she discovers Andrew's been smoking pot. Andrew's hilariously stoned attempt at covering his tracks is worth the hour of your time alone.
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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