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TANYA'S BLONDE HIGHLIGHTS

All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Tuesday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» ZEST! Emmerdale, ITV1, 7.00pm
Batten down the hatches, it's one-hour special time. What could it mean? Why, the departure of Charity Tate, of course. Everybody's favourite social-climbing, lesbian-seducing Patsy Kensit-nemesis bids us farewell tonight, and we shall be sad to see her go. But not before she plants one on Sadie. A punch, that is - she hasn't gone back to the have-a-try-bi thing again, as far as we know...
» BEST! You Be The Judge, BBC1, 9.00pm
Those of us who fancy ourselves as an armchair Judge John Deed will be having a field day with this one - we get to decide the outcome of three real-life civil disputes. We're not quite sure exactly how legally binding the results will be, but we can't help thinking it's a very brave decision, both on behalf of the BBC and the people taking part in the disputes - would you really want the same British public who voted for Michelle McManus to win Pop Idol to judge your grievances against the neighbour who keeps cutting down your trees? Well, quite.
» FEST! The O.C., E4, 9.00pm
It's Chrismukkah time in Newport again, but festivities are looking somewhat thin on the ground. Seth and Ryan are planning a big party (we will remove the usual references to Seth and Ryan being closeted gays this week, but we know exactly what they'll be up to in the corner), but an unfortunate confession from Caleb threatens to ruin everything. You know, just for a change...
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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