(function() { (function(){function c(a){this.t={};this.tick=function(a,c,b){var d=void 0!=b?b:(new Date).getTime();this.t[a]=[d,c];if(void 0==b)try{window.console.timeStamp("CSI/"+a)}catch(l){}};this.tick("start",null,a)}var a;if(window.performance)var e=(a=window.performance.timing)&&a.responseStart;var h=0=b&&(window.jstiming.srt=e-b)}if(a){var d=window.jstiming.load;0=b&&(d.tick("_wtsrt",void 0,b),d.tick("wtsrt_","_wtsrt", e),d.tick("tbsd_","wtsrt_"))}try{a=null,window.chrome&&window.chrome.csi&&(a=Math.floor(window.chrome.csi().pageT),d&&0=c&&window.jstiming.load.tick("aft")};var f=!1;function g(){f||(f=!0,window.jstiming.load.tick("firstScrollTime"))}window.addEventListener?window.addEventListener("scroll",g,!1):window.attachEvent("onscroll",g); })(); lowculture: IT'S THE ALL-NEW FUCK ME FACTS!

IT'S THE ALL-NEW FUCK ME FACTS!

You thought they were gone! And they were! But now the Fuck Me Facts are back. "Hurrah"! We got tired of living in the past though, so these aren't your father's Fuck Me Facts - oh no! These facts are very much in the here and now. Or, to be more strictly accurate, the yesterday, as this is now your daily round-up of the THREE MOST AMAZING FACTS you didn't know this time 24 hours ago. Such as...
» FACT ONE! Robin Williams may soon be dressing up as an elderly Scottish lady again for your cinematic pleasure. Yes, Mrs Doubtfire 2 is "in development".
» FACT TWO! We saw Radio 1 DJ Colin Murray host a Wanadoo corporate event yesterday. During the course of his introduction, he revealed he thinks comedian Jimmy Carr is a cunt.
» FACT THREE! Telly twins Gayle and Gillian Blakeney, who used to be Caroline and Christina in Neighbours, are living it up in the US, and have both recently heard the patter of tiny feet. No, not pubic lice (not this time anyway) – they've both got new babies. Aaaw!
AND! Let's not forget Uncaring Elsie's...
» DON'T-GIVE-A-FUCK FACT! Pop flop Nicki French is back in the UK after a tour of the southern hemisphere's homosexualist Mardi Gras festivals, and has announced plans to build her profile in the UK. Be warned – we're well into Eurovision season now, and that's when her dark powers are at their strongest. Try not to look directly at her, and certainly don't buy her new single.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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