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All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Thursday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» DIM! Hollyoaks, Channel 4, 6.30pm
Becca tells Jake that she’s confident they’ll have a long future together. Well, of course she does. People always do that in soap operas when their partners are having an affair; it’s because the writers like to prove they turned up to the lesson on dramatic irony in GCSE English. Poor Becca. Always the victim of the writers’ desire to show off.
» JIM! The Bill, ITV1, 8.00pm
Two months ago we waved goodbye to Sgt June Ackland as she left Sun Hill for a life of retirement with Jim Carver. Well, except she didn’t because he completely screwed her over and lost all of her retirement savings. So tonight, poor June dons the uniform and returns to the nick in order to repay those niggling debts. Poor June. Always the victim of the writers’ incessant thirst for high drama.
» GRIM! Charmed, Living TV, 8.00pm
Tonight death takes not only a holiday, but also a Halliwell as he recruits Piper to stand in for him. It’s all fun and games until the next name on her list turns out to be Phoebe’s. Poor Phoebe. Always the victim of…oh, hang on, we hate Phoebe. Carry on.
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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