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All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Wednesday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» SNOOZE! How To Sleep Better, BBC One, 8.00pm
Professor Robert Winston continues his campaign for total domination of the BBC One schedule with this exploration of how the country sleeps – or as we like to call it, Rest The Nation. We’ve heard several techniques for improving the quality of your sleep – one involved no distractions in the bedroom whatsoever, and the other suggested a couple of chapters of a good book and half an hour of nookie. We think we know which one we’d prefer...
» EXCUSE! Point Pleasant, E4, 10.00pm
Okay, well, we learned from the pilot that this is in no way an acceptable replacement for Buffy, and the religious symbolism is rather comically heavy-handed. That said, there’s still some fun to be had from this show. Tonight, Christina (she’s the devil’s daughter – get it?) causes a disturbance at a local gala, and starts to piece together some details of her heritage.
» CONFUSED! Desperate Housewives, Channel 4, 10.00pm
Okay, cards on the table – we frickin’ love this show. We’re borderline obsessed with it. Even the credits sequence gives us goosebumps. So we’re a little bit excited that it’s on tonight. Carlos’s mother arrives in Wisteria Lane, much to the chagrin of cheatin’ Gabrielle. Susan is chatted up by a charming police officer, but does this spell the end of her burgeoning relationship with enigmatic Mike? We suspect not. And, most intriguing of all, ticking emotional time bomb Bree copes with her loneliness by reaching out to Zach, the son of Late Lamented Narrator Mary Alice. Top stuff.
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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