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All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Tuesday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» PRIME! Neighbours, BBC One, 1.40pm
When exactly did Neighbours get so unmissable? It’s getting to the point where we’re seriously considering launching a campaign to get it repeated in a peaktime slot where those of us who get home late from work can catch up with the goings-on down under. Speaking of going down under (stay with us), Sky owes Lana an explanation about that kiss. But is it just a kiss, or is it ladybummer-type-love?
» CRIME! CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, five, 9.00pm
Otherwise known as officially the best programme on Five (not the highest accolade in the land, we’ll grant you), CSI returns for a fifth fantastically gruesome series. A man is found dead wearing an alien suit, a stripper is murdered, as is a male clubber, and a tramp gets electrocuted. Hmmm…maybe we’ll postpone that trip of a lifetime to Las Vegas until the crime rate has been sorted out.
» TIME! The O.C., E4, 9.00pm
The residents of Newport are trying to get things back to normal after the summer holiday of abandonment: Ryan tries to build bridges with Marissa, and Seth has some explaining to do where Summer is concerned. We’re loving E4’s 9pm slot, especially since it gives us an excellent opportunity to wonder which show contains more homoeroticism – this or Smallville…
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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