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All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Friday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» DECLINE! Hollyoaks, Channel 4, 6.30pm
The soap about the lives and loves of blonde people in Chester continues as Justin continues the least convincing drug-addiction soap storyline since Leanne Battersby from Coronation Street had two spoons of Night Nurse in one episode and was completely dependent on heroin by the next. Meanwhile, Abby doesn’t want to go to university, but since Helen Noble has already left the cast, chances are she ends up going anyway.
» DESIGN! House Doctor: Ann’s Top Ten!, five, 7.30pm
If House Doctor: Inside And Out isn’t doing it for you, why not take a trip down memory lane with some vintage Ann earlier in the evening? It probably won’t contain much Alistair Appleton (for shame!) but there are few things in life as much fun as watching Ann’s face fall when she walks into the sitting room and finds a sofa with “I Loves Me Kitty” stencilled across the back.
» DIVINE! Rock Profile, UKTV G2, 8.30pm
Tonight Jamie Theakston interviews legendary rock group Duran Duran – well, two of them, in the shape of Simon Le Bon and Nick Rhodes, who appear to have let themselves go a bit. It’s such a shame when that happens. Keep your eyes peeled for little-known pop facts – did you know that Sophie Ellis-Bextor is allergic to cartoons?
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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