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EVERYTHING MUST GO, DARLING!

Big Brother contestants have always been well-known for their ability to make a fast buck, and Marco, the seal sound-a-like irritant from the most recent series, is no exception.
He's just trousered £5,300 by selling on eBay the frightful top he wore for his eviction.
Mind you, with a description as enticing as the one Marco devised, we're almost sorry we missed the deadline to put in a bid ourselves.
"This is the trendy, tight fitting pink top with white arms which was worn by Myself during this years big brother finale!" he yelped.
No time today to so much as raise an eyebrow at Marco's elevation of Himself, through capitalisation, to God-like status, so let's press on.
This splendid item is adorned not just with a "Camping" slogan, but also with the illiterate daubings of each and every BB5 housemate.
Marco himself has signed it "love darling:, while Emma has plumped for "I love you babe".
Michelle, rather predictably, has drawn a chicken, but Kitten only manages her own name.
Dan has been a little more creative with a faux-camp "you sweetie!", and winner Nadia signs off with a simple "with love".
Victor entreats the lucky winner thus: "Be Easy bro! Da slickman". Well, quite. Vanessa, busy girl that she obviously is, has signed "so hectic, lots of love", while Stuart manages a cute "Stuie" and Jason a cheerful "Cheers".
Shell (fucking hell, how many of them WERE there?!?) has signed "you are a princess too!", Becki's message comes "with love", and Ahmed, last but also least, says "Ciao, salom!".
Reading the small print, it seems there may be a nasty sting in the tail of the whole tawdry affair, though: "For a generous bid," warns Marco, "I will deliver the t-shirt personally".
*Shudder.*
Actually, as Marco is donating the proceeds of the sale to The Samaritans, it's rather churlish of us to be so unkind, so we will leave it there for now.
But kindness does not seem to be uppermost in the thoughts of the winning bidder, who has taken the unusual step of leaving negative feedback about Marco.
Fear of being sued for libel prevents us from repeating this charming summary of Marco's various shortcomings, but suffice to say we would now be very surprised if he did indeed turn up to present the wretched garment in person.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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