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TANYA'S BLONDE HIGHLIGHTS

All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Saturday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» TREAT! The X Factor, ITV1, 7.35pm
Simon Cowell, Louis "I'm Just A Gal Who Cain't Say No" Walsh, and Sharon Osbourne preside over the latest Popstars/Idol format. The twist of this one is that it has no upper age limit (so we'll get to see all the people who were too old to enter Pop Idol humiliate themselves), and the judges will be working against each other to train the winning act. We're looking forward to the inevitable Cowell/Walsh/Osbourne three-way hair-pulling scrap, but we're reserving judgement until we see what level of talent is actually on show. Warning: contains scenes of Kate Thornton that some viewers may find distressing.
» SWEET! Von Trapped!, ITV1, 8.45pm
Caroline Quentin stars as the appropriately-named Maria in Jonathan "Beautiful Thing" Harvey's drama about a hairdresser obsessed with The Sound of Music. This programme is remarkable in that (a) it's something on ITV on Saturday night worth a look that isn't a talent show and (b) it should be as much fun for the gays as it will be for the bored housewives. Join in at home, you all know the words...
» REPEAT! Green Wing, Channel 4, 11.30pm
We didn't get a chance to point this out yesterday, so here's a chance to catch it if you missed the first showing. It's an acquired taste, and it won't be to everyone's tastes, but give it a go anyway. It features what by rights can only be called an all-star cast of British comedy talent (Tamsin Greig, Mark Heap, Sarah Alexander and Michelle Gomez to name but a small selection) and should be recommended viewing for the producers of Bo Selecta, as it demonstrates how toilet humour can actually be funny in the right hands.
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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