Wednesday, July 21, 2004
FUCK ME FACTS!
In our opinion, there really aren't any terribly interesting facts about Wednesday, July 21*, so please excuse us while we indulge ourselves by recounting our long weekend in London.
» The celebrity tally was pitifully low on this occasion, with our sub-C-list collection comprising only a children's television presenter with hyper-gay hair in a nightclub, and the reporter and photographer from Airport while we were checking our luggage in at Heathrow.
» We very much enjoyed ourselves at Shinky Shonky on Saturday, despite the air conditioning breaking down early doors and there being no mirrors for preening in the toilet. But! We left with lollies and badges, courtesy of the Glambassador himself, Boogaloo Stu.
» Ours read "SHOW US UR COCK" and "MY ASSHOLE IS SO SLACK, I HAVE TO WEAR A BUTT-PLUG ALL THE TIME".
» The tunes and entertainment were fantastic, but the high point of the evening has to be the young gay in a rubber top who had a fetish for cheesy Wotsits**. He polished off at least a dozen packets, handed out with flourish by the Incredible Tall Lady, without pausing for (cheesy) breath.
» He even accepted a half-empty bag proferred by our delegation, somewhat disturbingly poking around the inside with his fingers to get the very last of the orange dust. He was escorted from the premises a short while later.
» After spending a couple of days in Paul's Lovely Flat, we spent a further two nights in a decidedly less welcoming hotel near Leinster Square, with a miniscule bathroom hidden in a cupboard and only one teabag between two of us.
» We attended Porn Idol at G-A-Y on Monday night, averting our eyes in pity at some of the bizarre strip routines performed by the contestants. But we liked number seven best (or was it six? We forget), even though he had his nadgers out in less than 20 seconds.
» We're now spending the day washing our clothes and slightly regretting the purchase of cheap jewellery from a London store which has left us with a green ring on our finger.
* Unless you're particularly keen to know that East 17 "vocalist" Terry Caldwell is celebrating his 30th birthday today. Happy birthday, Tezza!
** No pun intended, we assure you.