All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for MONDAY. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» DISCOMBOBULATED! Neighbours, BBC1, 5.35pm Libby is back, and is not happy that her dad, Dr Karl, is practising his bedside manner on the scheming Izzy.
» EXTRACURRICULAR! Coronation Street, ITV1, 7.30pm and 8.30pm We're delighted to see the frightful Cilla back in Weatherfield, and happier still that she is set to sink her not-inconsiderable hooks into Les once again tonight. The catfight in the Rovers when Janice finds out will be a beautiful thing.
» INTRIGUE! FILM: Outbreak, Five, 9pm Diseased monkeys try to wipe out humanity. Or something.
» POINTY! 101 Things Removed From The Human Body You will hope they are making it all up, but the programme makers promise that, yes, that man really did survive getting a load of nails shot into his head. And who would have thought you could live through having a swordfish impaled in your eyeball? Not us. Look away if you're squeamish or some kind of girl.
» Are we missing something great? Or even something rubbish – we're honestly not fussed! Click on the comment link below and tell us all about it.
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.