Friday, April 30, 2004
UNWISE INVESTMENT, LOTS OF ANGER TO VENT, INACCURATE ASSESSMENT, REPRESSED HOMOSEXUAL'S TORMENT AND, FOR ONCE, NOT JUST A NON-EVENT
Ooh, we've not done this for a while, have we? Let's hope it's been worth the wait.
» Poor old Lou does not have his troubles to seek in NEIGHBOURS (BBC1, 5.35pm). After an unwise investment in girlfriend Trixie's ludicrous stage show, he's now broke and back mooching around Erinsborough. He's taken a loan from a dodgy geezer and used the money to buy a load of speakers off the back of a lorry. It would be just awful if they didn't work, and everyone wanted their money back, and he got all upset, and then tried to kiss Susan Kennedy. Wouldn't it? WOULDN'T IT? (Clue: Yes, it would).
» The big grid in Inside Soap magazine telling us what's going to happen day-by-day shows the icon of a fist for HOLLYOAKS (Channel 4, 6.30pm), so we can look forward to a good, old-fashioned punch up tonight. And it's Dan who is going to get handy with his hands, after some nasty prison boys taunt him for something or other. The hilariously-named Burton/Taylors are also going into battle tonight, as they lock horns with the Deans. Ooh, so much friction. No wonder the youth of today are so surly and aggressive.
» Zoe Tate is in the mood for some lady lovin' in EMMERDALE (ITV1, 7pm) and, to that end, she decides to put some lesbian moves on a fellow guest at the local Chamber of Commerce dinner. Unfortunately, her new gal pal wastes no time in telling our Zo' that she prefers cock, which somehow makes Zoe think that she might like to get her hands on one too. Luckily, Scott Windsor walks in at just the right moment, and all previous bickering, custody battles and accusations of rape are forgotten as the pair of them start smooching. Yuk!
» Showbiz Sally has her heart set on sending Rosie to the Northern Drama Academy in CORONATION STREET (ITV1, 7.30pm), but her plans might yet go askew – mainly because her Jezabel daughter is round the back of Kevin's garage getting hickeys off young Craig every chance she gets. Rosie's had enough of being pushed around by her mum, and finally stands up to her tonight – earning the poor lass a slap on the face for her trouble. Someone else who needs a good slap is Todd, who is plotting to start a secret affair with Karl. Now, we're all for welcoming newcomers to the bumming ranks, but the boy does have a pregnant fiance sitting at home in their pokey flat while he's getting it in the nurse's quarters. And while Todd might not be in any rush to spill the beans about what they're up to, Karl will probably take out an ad in the Weatherfield Gazette to announce their union, so it's bound to end up in tears all round.
» So what of EASTENDERS (BBC1, 8pm)? Well, just for a change, it's been quite good this week - not least because miserable Laura has fallen down a flight of stairs to her doom. Actually, we're slightly irked by the fact that yet another strong, intelligent, independent EastEnders woman was slowly transformed into a miserable, screeching harpie, so perhaps death is a blessed relief in this instance. And, while we don't really approve of the concept of comeuppance, the events of next week, when Pat is going get a quite triumphant revenge on Janine, will be talked about by everyone, everywhere.
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