Friday, December 15, 2006
We're going to break with tradition here, folks; we couldn't find anything on telly tonight that we especially wanted to write about, so we thought instead we'd do an opinion piece on the final of The X Factor, which takes place tomorrow night, just in case you actually got so bored this year that you completely removed the ITV1 button from your remote control.
Now, we're aware that Leona isn't everyone's cup of tea. We even understand the criticism that she's quite dull, and might be little more than an above-average Christina Aguilera impersonator. However, there are bigger things at stake here: if Ray wins tomorrow, cracks will appear in the earth. Cockroaches will swarm out of those cracks, and enter your home. They will devour your consumer goods, and they will take your family. The sky will be filled with buzzards, and anyone daring to go outside will be swooped upon and brutally pecked to death. The sun will disappear behind a cloud, and will never re-emerge.
In short, a vote for Ray is a vote for evil. It is a vote for the promotion of anatomically incorrect stage-school children as national icons. It is a vote for nauseating, half-arsed swing covers as an acceptable expression of musical identity. It is a vote for horrible, Brylcreem-covered smugness that somehow doesn't go away even when you close your eyes and curl into the foetal position. It is a vote for a world where Victoria Newton correctly predicts the mood of the nation. Is this the sort of future you want for your children? (For people not having children: is this the sort of future you want for yourself? It's not that far away, matey.)
We're not sure if our voice is likely to be heard, since our "Vote Aisleyne" campaign during Big Brother wasn't quite the resounding success we hoped it might be, but please, we beg you: suffragettes threw themselves under horses so that you could have the right to vote (well, around 50% of you, and this probably wasn't quite the sort of vote they had in mind). Please, use that right wisely.
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I love LowCulture for your campaign to make Aisleyne the winner of Big Brother 7 and whilst she may not have won the top prize- she's certainly won many people over... and top girl? we'd never have seen that coming a few weeks earlier would we =)
I'd say it was quite a sucessful campaign to be truthful.. you should be proud of yourselves LC
Tilly @ TeamAisleyne
As I read this, I had "Land of Hope & Glory" in my head. In the name of all that is good in the world, don't vote for plastic-genital Ray!
By 9:29 pm, at