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Crap a la carte

SCREAM! Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, Channel 4, 9.00pm

Ramsay's Kitchen NightmaresKitchen nightmares are something we know a lot about. Our kitchen is tiny, we're always banging our heads on cupboard doors that we'd forgotten we'd left open, there's normally a line of washing-up right back into the hallway, and don't even get us started on the time we ran out of goose fat.

Of course, our problems pale in comparison to the folks who appear on this show. We've never quite understood why anyone would do this - obviously there's the bonus of getting yourself and your business on telly, but we find it hard to imagine anyone watching this and thinking "ooh, we should go there next time we go out for dinner." But perhaps we don't watch the telly the same way other people do.

Anyway, this week's episode is a corker, by all accounts. It's a restaurant on the Costa Del Sol run by a British ex-pat, the specialist dish on the menu is prawns in garlic with chocolate sauce (bleurgh) and there's dogshit on the floor. So the famously goodhumoured Gordon Ramsay can have nothing negative to say about this, can he? That's the beauty of this show: the rage. It's like watching The X Factor without all the terrible singing. Hopefully, anyway.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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