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TANYA'S BLONDE HIGHLIGHTS

All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Monday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» EXPLOSIVE! Coronation Street, ITV1, 7.30, 8.30 and 10.00pm
ITV are sensitively billing this as "Maya's Mad Monday", so there should be lunatic hijinks aplenty tonight as Maya "Stalker? I Don't Even Like Her" Sharma finally flips out (yes, even more than before), taking Sunita "Bride And Gloom" Alahan hostage and plotting to burn her alive. The big question is where Sunita's greasy, charmless husband "Arrested" Dev"elopment" can get to her before she explodes in a ball of flames - much like Dev's empire of shops is set to do tonight. Top-notch soap.
» EROSIVE! The O.C., E4, 9.00pm
It's the season finale: watch that angst hit overdrive. Ryan decides it's time to face up to his responsibilities after learning that Theresa is pregnant. Marissa takes the news with characteristic good humour (in other words, she's a totally whiny, self-absorbed bitch, as per) and Seth responds to the turmoil by taking some drastic action. We suspect it's because he hoped he'd be the one to have Ryan's babies eventually. SETH 4 RYAN 4 EVAH!!! Ahem.
» CORROSIVE! Monkey Dust, BBC Two, 10.00pm
We can announce triumphantly that we "got" this for the first time last week - normally it goes right over our heads. Either that means it's dumbing down, or we're getting smarter. You'd be a foolish person to bet on the latter, we suspect. Anyway, tune in for more caustic lampooning of modern life, if that's what floats your boat.
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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