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All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Wednesday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» DAMP! Coronation Street, ITV1, 7.30pm
We have to hand it to Coronation Street - it definitely has a talent for taking implausible storylines - such as the Barlow-McDonalds recent jaunt to London to appear on a quiz show, or in this case, Cilla and Les getting a hot tub - and spinning them in a way that just about works. Tonight Cilla "Let's Get Dirrty" Brown and Les "Crashed The Ceiling" Battersby hop into the tub for Hawaiian night - but when an unwanted companion joins them, the results are truly smashing.
» CHAMP! Property Ladder Returns, Channel 4, 8.00pm
If we had to level one criticism at Property Ladder, it might be that there isn't enough time left at the end of the show to get closure on the development, and we're not always left knowing whether it was a success. Step forward the ever-delightful Sarah Beeny with this spin-off series where she revisits developers whose paths she has already crossed, to see how they're surviving in the business.
» VAMP! True Horror With Anthony Head, Discovery, 10.00pm
We wonder if Tony Head had any idea how much his career would be revitalised by landing the part of the obligatory stuffy Englishman in a low-budget American sci-fi series about a blonde teenager fighting the forces of evil. Tonight he shows yet another side to his skills and doffs a cap to Buffy in the process, but exploring the facts behind the vampire myths. Keep some holy water to hand, just in case.
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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