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TANYA'S BLONDE HIGHLIGHTS

All the TV that's mad, bad, or just a little bit evil for Tuesday. Our Tiny Tanya Turner ratings show just how low each show goes – the more Tanyas a show scores, the more mental it is.
» SPURN! EastEnders, BBC One, 7.30pm
We never would have believed it, but EastEnders is almost fun again, largely thanks to the heroic misadventures of psychotic Sarah "It's Just A Little Crush, It's Not Like I Faint Every Time We Touch" Cairns and her protracted torturing of Martin and family. Tonight, Pauline "Push It, P-Push It Real Good" Fowler finally persuades Martin "I'm Just A Love Machine" Fowler to come clean to poor unsuspecting wife Sonia, while, in a more standardly boring subplot, Alfie "I'm Not A Man, Not Yet An Invertebrate" Moon prepares a welcome home surprise for Kat.
» RETURN! Little Britain, BBC Three, 9.00pm
"British justice is the best in the world. Anyone who disagrees is either a gay or a mental." But would they be the only gay in the village? Shooting back onto our screens in a flurry of grotesques, cross-dressing and "yeahbutnobutyeahbutno" is the long-awaited second series of Little Britain. We were lucky enough to be in the audience for the filming of this series, and we can assure you that it's every bit as funny as the first. The old favourites are back (Lou and Andy, Vicky Pollard, Sebastian, Marjorie Dawes), and they've brought some new friends, including rubbish transvestite Emily Howard's mustachioed protege, Florence. After three: "But I'm a lady!"
» CONCERN! Ban This Filth, Channel 4, 11.05pm
Obviously we at lowculture work tirelessly to ensure that your daily television viewing is a smut-free experience. We'd never let you watch anything with adultery, blaspheming, alcohol or gays in it, would we? So imagine our relief that Brenda, Jill and Barbara are here to share the workload with us, ensuring that all of the unpleasant stuff is brought to your attention so you know how to find it avoid it. God bless those ladies.
» Is there something we've missed? Click on the comment link to share your tips.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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