The new TV season has kicked off in the USA, but our regular correspondent, MarkNYC, has been far too busy jumping around Popstarz with the lowculture losers to write the latest instalment of My TiVo Thinks I'm Clay. There is, however, one new addition to the schedule that we just can't wait to tell you about.
Yes, Heather Locklear is back at last in the much-delayed airport drama LAX, and she reckons her new character, the splendidly-named Harley Random, is much harder than her Melrose Place alter ego, Amanda Woodward.
"She's been through a lot," Heather told TV GUide. "To be in a man's world, which is what [the airline industry] is, women have come a long way, but they will still have further to go. And this is a good side of a woman to show!"
Yes, yes, all very well – but what we really want to know is, could Harley have Amanda in a fight?
"Amanda can manipulate people, but Harley can run her over with a 747. She's more physical. Amanda was just on her back a lot."
As if that's a bad thing!
LAX premiered last night, so us UK peeps are unlikely to see it for ages, but you can clicky here to see a some clips.
» Speaking of the divine Heather, she's recently been the subject of an E! True Story profile and, surprisingly, was quite pleased with the results.
"I couldn't believe it was a two-hour show," she said. "Boy, am I old!"
You can see a bit of it here.
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.