(function() { (function(){function c(a){this.t={};this.tick=function(a,c,b){var d=void 0!=b?b:(new Date).getTime();this.t[a]=[d,c];if(void 0==b)try{window.console.timeStamp("CSI/"+a)}catch(l){}};this.tick("start",null,a)}var a;if(window.performance)var e=(a=window.performance.timing)&&a.responseStart;var h=0=b&&(window.jstiming.srt=e-b)}if(a){var d=window.jstiming.load;0=b&&(d.tick("_wtsrt",void 0,b),d.tick("wtsrt_","_wtsrt", e),d.tick("tbsd_","wtsrt_"))}try{a=null,window.chrome&&window.chrome.csi&&(a=Math.floor(window.chrome.csi().pageT),d&&0=c&&window.jstiming.load.tick("aft")};var f=!1;function g(){f||(f=!0,window.jstiming.load.tick("firstScrollTime"))}window.addEventListener?window.addEventListener("scroll",g,!1):window.attachEvent("onscroll",g); })(); lowculture: FUCK ME FACTS!

FUCK ME FACTS!

It's Tuesday, September 14, but we're thinking about tomorrow already 'cos we've just been paid and we have a wedding outfit to find. Question: We don't really want to wear a shirt and tie, but we don't want to look too casual either - so what would you recommend? It's not like we know the couple or anything . . .
» Jade Kindar-Martin and Didier Pasquette became the first people to cross the Thames by tightrope simultaneously in 1997. Good grief! How could such an important feat be left untried for so long?!
» A giant cucumber weighing 241lbs, and measuring 29inches long by 21inches wide, was grown by Mary Glazebrook of Halam Nottinghamshire four years ago today. Well done, Mary. That's one big bastard of a vegetable, and no mistake.
» Meanwhile, a terrier called Cecil was named America's top singing pet after impressing judges with his version of Give My Regards to Broadway.
» In what's fast becoming a day for pointless achievements, it was reported that the Olympic torch was not only stolen on its way to Sydney, but attacked with a fire extinguisher and used to light a joint.
» Hooray for Blondie! She donned a floor-length blonde wig for Wigstock, the transvestite festival in New York, in 1998.
» The policeman whose helmet caught George Michael's attension in a public toilet announced his intention to sue him, after claiming he had been mocked in George's video for Outside.
» Happy birthday to: Former Corrie actress Amanda Barrie (65), and Aha singer Morten Harket, who's FORTY-FIVE today. Words cannot express. They really can't.
» Unrelated fact of the day: Every time you lick a stamp, you consume 1/10th of a calorie.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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